this month is my special month to be shaped more by God in social aspect. in fact i have many friends here. in work place, campus, church, and another comunities.. but this month, i feel something that i ever felt before, that made me shut my mouth up almost 'till forever and stay alone everywhere everytime.
i feel unconfident.
uhmm... actually i am unconfident for my lifetime. but it's getting worse this time. i always feel bad about my self, knock my own head and say how stupid my act was, and don't want to socialize with others. i just want to be alone along this month. except in my work place because i can't work alone there.
i don't know why, but i know this is bad. the fact that i become an unsocialized girl is a bad news. in this young age and i stay away from my friends and stressed out? it's ridiculous. what am i thinking?!
i was sad for some days and thinking about my self, that i had done so many mistakes, people judged me, they critics me, they ignored me, then i became a sensitive person until they only joked or advice me, i feel angry. this is really really bad. i know.
so i prayed when i was on the way to campus this evening, i prophesied to my self that i am a special girl for Jesus, i .... i forget what i said that time..ohahaha :p
but after that, i felt relieved because i felt the joy and peace flew in my heart and i knew that He has heard me and gave me what i need. so i am so grateful tonight because i have joy in my heart (before that, i planned to not talk along the lectures).
it's really a precious thing to learn that i really need Jesus although i have problems in my self and it's because of me. He will always accept me the way i am and never judge me like people do.
and today i also learn about prophecy (nubuat). that we say something good for people or ourselves IN JESUS NAME, we'll be healed 100% because of our faith. i tried it, and i felt it. amazing!
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