Be Strong

it was a hard beginning in this 2014 since i cried so many times and stressed out by myself. i think i'll not tell you here but trust me, it wasn't that hard as you think because i was just having so many thought in my mind and i can't stand it alone but i also didn't tell much to my friends. i have troubles in my workplace, i didn't go to campus for 2 weeks, and i spent so much money in first two months.

i went to my hometown for 5 days and it felt really really fast. i even couldnt do many things for my family. but i was really happy and thankful that my family are fine. 

and i dont know why i feel so down although there isnt serious matter in my life. i think i need some refreshing. again..haha

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It Never Be

i need to feel these tears
that strong feeling of my crushed heart
i'm like livin' in a dream land, unreal
walking in the dust of sorrow
holding my wishes but never look at them
i cant see my path, my feet
where i stand for my body
where i put my power and strength
where i think i still can walk far enough
all i have now is fog

unclearly, unknown, everything's grey
even my nails are fading to hide from me
those smokes, dancing in the air
saying hi to me, asking me to know
the beauty of living in desert of happiness
with the souls i will never meet in death

i failed to hold this fragile living creature
i fell and it splashed into pieces i've never found
something that i keep the most and put me at ease
now, i lost?
it never be our choice to hug this fog
it never be our will to lean on this fading wall
it never be..

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Flawless Life

i was thinking if there's something wrong in my life. then i realized of how boring it is to have a flawless life. it's not to defend my self from my mistakes. but the awareness of mine says that i have to face and fix it, without thinking about anyone's opinion and judgement.

if there is any saying that says everyone is uniquely created, why should i be the same with others?

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This July!

i'm officially 21 this month!

Sunday, July 14th 2013, he said that he was sure with me, he wanted to have a relationship with me. it shocked me although i had a prediction before that he would do it. this is something that we waited for about 18 months, but when i was facing that moment... i worried.

we have the same idea that a relationship isn't something that we want to try and when we feel we're not match, we'll break apart. no. it's something serious and should be longlasting even until marriage. so we should think about it really really wisely. then after that 18 months, 3 days before my birthday he decided to start it.

but, he didn't want me to answer on that day. he wanted me to ask my parents first if they allow us to be together. so on those 3 days, i  was so confused of how i will tell my parents, especially my dad. i just called my mom on the second day and her response was good.. and i was.. really.. afraid.. to call my dad.

some hours before i had a meet with him on the third day, i finally forced my self to grab my phone and dial my dad's number. i was on the roof of my house. sat down and looked at the sky hearing tuuut...tuuutttt...tuuttt... my dad answered so calm and made my heart beat sooo fast. i almost cried... but his answers totally fine for me. i was relieved to the maxxxx!

so i met him at afternoon and we have dinner with goat soup and goat tongseng. i don't know how to mention and explain it for you, but the taste was not bad. we talked as usual and joked and laughed, and .... he asked me how the result was. i told him my conversation with my mom and dad, he listened carefully.

this is the start of a start. i prepare my self from now to be a good partner for him, but i also still have to be a good daughter for my Father. whatever will be, it will be. as far as i walk with Him, i won't be afraid :)

yes i'm so thankful for everything that happened to me.. you can see how perfect his plan is for me..

it's awwwwweeesome!

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Friends Of Mine (2)

Celebrating Lisa's birthday at ci Ike's house. surpriseee!! :D
Marina, Ci Ike, Lisa, I, and Ranti

Teachers were refreshing to the mall..
I, Ms. Windhi, Ms. Desy, Ms. Ivonne, and the photograper was Ms. Sophia

Disciple Camp at MMCC, Sawangan, Depok
Ly Yen, I, Ferlina, and Wahyuningsih (kak Ayu) 

campus friends, we were at STKIP Kusuma Negara, Kampung Rambutan, Jakarta
up: Tere, Hana, Bekti
down: I, Deta, Lady, and Erina

TBCS Kindy teachers
1st row: Ms. Dyan, Ms. Windhi, Ms. Desy, Ms. Ratni, Ms. Sophie, Ms. Rika
2nd row: Ms. Susi, Mrs. Kim, Ms. Ria, Ms. Josephine, Ms. Reffi, Ms. Yana
3rd row: Ms. Irene, Ms. Ivonne, Ms. Febby, I, and Ms. Bella

Pajamas Day in Book Week
I, Ms. Sophie, Ms. Susi, Ms. Ivonne, and Ms. Windhi

Celebrating Marina's birthday :D

Alex my lovely student. i'll miss you so much :')
his full name is Alexander Louis Hermanto

the gifts from k1 Sheep children with love letters, they were sweet <3 br="">thank you everyone !

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Self-Confidence

this month is my special month to be shaped more by God in social aspect. in fact i have many friends here. in work place, campus, church, and another comunities.. but this month, i feel something that i ever felt before, that made me shut my mouth up almost 'till forever and stay alone everywhere everytime.

i feel unconfident.

uhmm... actually i am unconfident for my lifetime. but it's getting worse this time. i always feel bad about my self, knock my own head and say how stupid my act was, and don't want to socialize with others. i just want to be alone along this month. except in my work place because i can't work alone there.

i don't know why, but i know this is bad. the fact that i become an unsocialized girl is a bad news. in this young age and i stay away from my friends and stressed out? it's ridiculous. what am i thinking?!

i was sad for some days and thinking about my self, that i had done so many mistakes, people judged me, they critics me, they ignored me, then i became a sensitive person until they only joked or advice me, i feel angry. this is really really bad. i know.

so i prayed when i was on the way to campus this evening, i prophesied to my self that i am a special girl for Jesus, i .... i forget what i said that time..ohahaha :p
but after that, i felt relieved because i felt the joy and peace flew in my heart and i knew that He has heard me and gave me what i need. so i am so grateful tonight because i have joy in my heart (before that, i planned to not talk along the lectures).

it's really a precious thing to learn that i really need Jesus although i have problems in my self and it's because of me. He will always accept me the way i am and never judge me like people do.
and today i also learn about prophecy (nubuat). that we say something good for people or ourselves IN JESUS NAME, we'll be healed 100% because of our faith. i tried it, and i felt it. amazing!

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