Seriously

a woman smiled and asked me, "what is your dream?"

at that time i was thinking deeply but fast to answer her question. i said that i want to continue my study in a college. then when i left that room with messy and stressed mind, i started to ask myself "what is your dream, Yuli??"

as a growin'-up woman, i have many dreams. i'd like to have a great career, a peaceful life, a happy family, and so on. but i was stuck in a 'great career' part. i told my close friend that i don't wanna be a teacher anymore. she asked me why i say it so sudden. i told her, so now she knows i'm depressed and she understands what i'm thinking about. this tragedy should be called "career crisis" after when i was teen i felt an "identity crisis".

why-i-don't-wanna-be-a-teacher-anymore-?

first, i'm in depression! it's natural that i'll hate my current position because it feels suck. i feel my head are getting empty and i lose my mind about why i teach and love kids. why i do these all? why i take education business to feed myself everyday? why and why? i can't answer all questions in my head. is it because my mother, my grandmother, and the sisters of my mother support me to be a teacher? is it because i don't have any idea to work in beside teaching? or what?

second, i'm not confident. from every side i have, i'm grateful but i feel bad when i'm teaching. something in my mind wanna tell me something but i can't reach it out. yeah it's like i lose my self..omg

this post is too serious. i hate it. and i still can't find my really really real dreams.

this week i've got so many news. there were about my current jobs. there were about job offers. and some little suck things. i have to think seriously and decide wisely for i'll not regret on the next days. God will guide me and i hope i can do my best! wish me luck.. ^^

then, beside those annoyed things, i have a good news! ko Kaleb will come back here in the end of January! *party all night long*
yeah may be it's good just for me..haha. but thanks God You send him back home!

this article is a serious one and i seriously hate it. but i don't want to delete it because 50 years later i'll read this odd blog again and tell my grandchildren that i was having a "great time" that will lead me to the Yuli in the future. *what the heaven word is that?*

anyway, please leave a comment to show that i have at-least a reader. thank you.. :)
Gbu

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Que Sera Sera

do you believe in myth? astrology? something about fortune or prediction of future?

i did. and i liked it.

when i was in my hometown, i often surfed on the internet about those stuffs. my dad's computer's memory is almost full of the articles i've collected. most of them are about mysteries, myths, and everything that made me curious. i read them again and again and surfed again to search the related articles or to find the final answer. i was having my learning time not at school but in front of my dad's computer almost along the day. and it was not about the school's lessons.

in my high school time, i have an astrology book that i made by myself. it was my handwritten and complete by zodiac's stuffs. and my friends liked to consult with me about the people around them, astrological. it was fun! i was like a teen psychiatrist that solved people's problem by astrology or read the lines on their hands or read the face of people or by making some bullshits to calm someone down. *silent*

but someday, suddenly, i don't know how. that stupid book disappeared. i thought it was stolen by someone but i didn't mind. from that moment, unconsciously i started to forget the "knowledge" that i had by that book. i don't know why but i know this is the way of God to knock my brain, may be like this: He says, "my darling Yuli, if you can predict what your future will be or what will I do for your life tomorrow, I'll give you back your magic book."
and i was speechless. "You win."

then when i grew up, i've forgotten about that astrology at all. even i don't believe it anymore. it's too dangerous to live your life with predictions and act like god that you know what's happening in people's lives. whoever predicts or was predicted, never live in the same civilized world. it's just how to find your purpose of life then live it properly.

i'm not trying to be wise or whatever. it's an experience and a thought of mine. things are gonna change in your mind as the time goes on. and you'll never realize when the miracles work on you. i was thinking to post about this when i passed a street with a scent of incense this afternoon. suddenly my memory was just opened automatically on a house of a fortune-teller that i knew i don't like him. he bought my grandmother's house and used it to his rituals. he's close to my family, except me. i don't know how dare he is to moved our house properties as he suggest to "invite" some good abstract things. that's totally stupid and suck! *oops*

i just wanna say that all good things in your life depend on yourself! not by the lines on your hands or your birthdate says or the sight of the witches. wanna live a good life? tell yourself to do anything good and well, break the lines and show the chicken how to mean the life God has given to you.

i did. and i liked it!

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Kids

you know that i'm a teacher for primary students in a course. i never know how it is to be a school teacher but i know my job is easier. but we have the same part: facing the kids, everyday. it's not about just teaching them. sometimes we need a talk to refresh the day, and because it's not a formal education, we have a lot of laugh and joy. but in this case, i think i have a problem that some teachers ever had also.

normally, it's fine to share our profile in social networks with some kids. they wanna know us, they are making friends, and it means they like us. and i shared mine with some of my students because i thought it will be no matter.

and what the heaven have happened to me is not funny. kids, can't stay in their curiousness about my life further. they found that i have a boyfriend (that's the hot topic) and share with their friends in the course, on my face. they talk about my activities, my boyfriend, my photos, everything! OH MY GOD.

i feel like, "for the sake of nothing, what are you talking for?!" they, boys and girls student, like gossiping anyone and the worst part, one of the victim was ME. i was mad silently and smiled then talk about anything else to sweep out that stupid conversation. but day by day, i was stalked more and more and i didn't have any privacy of my life anymore. don't you think it's really annoyed when everybody talked about you and those all weren't true?? i'm just a teacher, not a celebrity. and kids aren't paparazzi, right? but the fact of this life is, we never know who in the world that we can trust to.

it was so.. sad.

sometimes they are just annoying. but actually kids are adorable and lovely. i don't know when i started to like children. i did hate that walking-tiny-creature before i have a job as a teacher. what a tragic.

so now, i just learned that i shouldn't share anything about me with anybody who can't use the news properly. it just invites a disaster: gossip.
and if you can learn anything else from this case, good for you! i hope this little thing can make me more comfortable with my profiles.

i like being a teacher but.. it's complicated to say. sometimes it's fun, sometimes i just wanna quit. but God will lead the way. i'm doing my best right now.

have a nice day, everyone! Gbu

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Weird Me. No.

i know. yes i know that my English is totally actually perfectly bad! i'm trying so hard to type and post in my blogs or whatever with English although i don't have any special ability in speaking or writing in English. i'm not even able so much in listening and reading! but you know, i'm great in sleeping and eating. [forget it]

so in this post i also wanna explain some symbols that i use to write because sometimes i use my imagination in writing or snoring. forgive my messy words and stupid thoughts, i know i'm too imaginative. thank you.

1. if i use stars like *rubbing my cheeks*, *dancing on the moon*, or *hugging a huge rock*, it means my activity at that time when i was typing. yes, i hope i can dance on the moon.

2. if i use this symbol [], like [put it down] or [stupid you!], you should know that's not from me. it's a... uhm.. it's a voice from no where. just for completing my imagination in a silly way. i don't even understand what.

3. if i use some of these symbols ----> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. it means i'm trying to speak with you in words. *laugh loudly*

dear reader. i wish you know what kind of human i am. may be a different species from another galaxy or what, i'm still going to post in this blog till my blood fried! i mean, dried!

so, whatever language i use, whatever symbol i write on, whatever topic i tell about, whatever theme i use for my blog, uhmm.. just know it, i'm UNIQUE! ;)

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Wed and Doom?!

i'm thinking how i can get some extra energy now. i'm out of power and of course, lazy also. but actually not that 'lazy' one made me didn't go to work today. like i posted before, i got diarrhea. what a cruel disease that makes you go to the toilet hundreds time a day. thank God i just have a modem so i can work at home.. ;)

but i'm going well now. this is the fourth day or i'll die. that's why i'm thinking about getting some energy for tomorrow and the next days coz i feel so weak right now (and lazy). i can't sleep. i don't know what should i eat. does anybody wanna send me some? or sing for me a lullaby tonight? no, i'm kidding..hahaha *no one laughs*

well, i have some friends that will be married this year. *look at myself* what?
next Saturday, Jan 14, kak Cang Wui will be a husband of kak Anis.
on April, my housemate, ms. Nia's turn with Steve.
June, is the wedding party of my new friend, Odet.
i actually can't come to the party of kak Cang Wui's happiness because it will be held in Pontianak. i don't know about where that next two party will be.
and the end of June. ko Kaleb's young sister will be a wife of ko Yosia. it will be held in Solo city and ko Kaleb assured that i'll be there. omg OF COURSE!

i...

i'm happy to hear that! everyone's gonna have a new part of their lives. yeah it starts from white gown of laces and silky tuxedo with two rings and bells of the church. how sweet! that's the cover. you'll never know what will happen then, coz it's not that's all about! *why so serious?*

i was typing no sense about marriage because i never know about it but not with that happy part! i'm really happy for them, new smiling will-be-married couple. :D

don't you wanna ask me, when is my turn?hahaha. please don't.

and yes, 2012 is the year of marrying moments! is it because they believe in Mayan calendar that ended in December this year so they wanna live together first before being apart of that stupid doom's day? i hope it's not the reason.

because the reason is love~~~~ *flying without wings with a harp*

okay now. the point is, why some people in the world still believe in Mayan calendar or witches' sight of future or anything about the end of the world. that's..

stupid!

people can create everything you want, properly, but not perfectly! you may know it, use it, but not believe in it at all. okay, let's say it's a rumor so we'll end this topic because that's unreliable, undercover, underwear, and.. oops i mean, stupid!

don't ask why i always say that word when i watch Kevjumba's videos after all.

God bless us, everyone! Alleluia ^^

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New Year, yeahhh!

welcome 2012!
i had a good start in this year. yeah quite good. my friends and i have some events to celebrate together. from Christmas in 2 churches in a day till new year celebrating in a mall and my house. we didn't rest at all. the next day-the first day of new year we went to church. the next day (again) we went to a mall (again). wow!
powerful girls were in action!

i just bought a new bag, it's pink and simple. i bought a modem also. *happy*
and my purse is empty now. :0

i feel just so so in these days. even worse because we have disease. yes, we. ko Kaleb and i. both of us got diarrhea.

*silent*

i just typed this really long post with my whole heart but when i wanted to post it, the restaurant's wi-fi ask to login (again). i was in a panic because i know the post must be not saved at all. and yes, my post was stopped in that stupid diarrhea. =.=

*remember what i wrote before*

yes, Moon. he's still okay and handsome. and Hotta has her first birthday this month! but i don't know what the date is.. :p
happy birthday, Hotta, anyway. :*

well, okay. i'm getting speechless. we'll continue later.
byeeee..~
hope we'll get better soon from this stupid diarrhea.. amen!
God bless us everyone!

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