Angel

Angel,,
I’m not angel.
I don’t have any wings.
I don’t have any holy circle above my head.
I don’t have faith enough to be the truth.

I’m not angel.
I’m just a girl who loves angel.
And use the “Angela” to be my name.
With Ivy,
I walk in this world alone to reach my life.
Although I knew, I can’t easily take it somehow.
Because I’m a mistake,
I can’t have a truth.
I can’t have a thing to get it in my hands.
Because the actually fact is,,
I’m nothing.

Sometimes I die in my dark and silence room.
I see nothing, I think nothing.
I waste my time to kill my mind.
I see my dead body sits in that corner.
Lock my dreams..
Lost my soul..

Then she whispers around me.
She touches my hand and opens the locked door.
She wants me to see the light of outside of my room.
She wants me to feel the wind that I love.
She’s running down my tears and hugs my lost soul.
She plays the music that I love the most.
And she’s fade away when I smile.

I know she will come again if I run again in my darning room.
But now, she has to pray and fly with Cosmos..

She’s angel.
And I’m still nothing.

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I Think I'm Down Again

18:43 14/09/2008
i'm writing in Erasmus n hearing my friend's favorite song, Far Away.
yeah,, i think i'm down again..
hahaha...
today, i didn't go to church..
coz it was raining. until now.
i just can thinking about my plan that i'll do in this three days.
dun' worry, guys,,
i'm fine.
now, i'm hearing one of my favorite songs, Breath Again.
this song is recognized by Miss Emil to me n my friend, last year.
when we cried coz of our life,, in her room.
we didn't in d class for two hours, without permission too for d teacher..
when i was d downiest girl there...
d most scattered...
ehm, d last song, Cry.
this song is special for my best friend that never do it again.
well, it's just a song for him.
i don't ask him to cry..!
although there's some words:
"So cry just a little for me..."
i luv this song from some months ago.
so, nothing's wrong, right?
next song, My Eyes.
this is d answer from him, my best friend.
i surprised that there's some words like this:
"Pretty soon you will see tears in my eyes..."
Hwow...!
Really..?
but, i think d meaning of this song isn't like that,,
akh, i dun' know...
n this is d first song in my special playlist.
an Indonesian song.
that i luv d most.
dun' know why...
"Tuhan Kirim Kamu"
in English: "God Sent You"
hahaha...
i always almost cry bcoz of this memorial song.
sometimes i hate it.
coz he left me away,, broke my heart..
like i do too, to break everyone's heart.
but i didn't leave him..!!
yeah,, call it "IMPAS..!!"
OK,,
friends... especially my best friend,,
i tell u.
dun' ever worry about me anymore..
whatever will happen to me,
always believe that i'm fine.
always fine.
dun' worry, b happy..!
have a nice day!

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Don't Know

Don’t know why I always thinking about you
Don’t know how I can forget you
Don’t know when I will leave your memories
Don’t know what I will do if meet you
Don’t know who will make me forget you
I’ll always don’t know, about you
About us, that maybe hurt us
When my tears running down for the second time
I can’t do it anymore even I’m craving
So sad cause you’re not here again
Don’t know why the another guys can’t get my heart
Don’t know how I broke their heart
Don’t know when I left alone without you
Don’t know what I can say anymore to you
Don’t know who I will be without you
Cause I always don’t know
All about you, about us…

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Wind

i draw myself in endless corner
when no one won't understand
with the smile, n wind
take me out to stop my tears
by your smile, n wind
cuz i always luv your smile, Wind...

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My Castle

welcome to my silence castle.
if u found something that special in this lovely place,
tell me..
coz i want to find it too.
coz i never found something special like u do.
coz this place is too dark for walking alone
and get any wonder things.
this is my lovely place.
my lonely place.
my darny place.
is any castle like mine..?
i built it with my own.
it's more simple than ur home.
it's more silence than ur library.
it's more boring than ur class.
it's more happy than ur sadness.
it's more darning than ur life.
is any castle like mine..?
tell me..
coz i want to find it too.

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Blank

22:02 14/08/2008
hari ini benar" hari yang berat,,
dari kemaren badanQ uda ga terasa nyaman..
tadi pagi pun kedinginan di yayasan..
jadi aQ ga ikut nguburin paman.
tapi kalo bole jujur, aQ emang ga mw ke kuburan Cina.
aQ paling ga tahan sama asap na..
jadi ibu nyuruh aQ pulang,
tapi aQ malah nyusul temen" ke Korem bwt ikut upacara ultah Pram.
aQ lebi rela berdiri tegap dengan sinar matahari pagi
daripada bersujud, m'bungkukkan badan, berdiam diri di tengah asap yang menyebalkan..!
memang, itu demi paman Q.
tapi kalo dengan badan yang lemes gitu n kepala yang sakit plus kedinginan,,
bisa" aQ yang dikubur di situ.
hehe
juzt Qdink!
aQ lagi mz an sama Indra...
tapi aQ lagi blank abiez..!
ga tw mw ngomong apa.
kepala Q masih terasa pusing,,
lama" jadi ngantuk ntar.
hehehe
hm,,
aQ mw bikin list lagu yang mw Qcari lirik na dulu yach,,
nite..!

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Mereka

susah untukQ bila harus mempercayai suatu persahabatan lagi.
semuanya terasa semu,,
hanya bayang-bayang pengindah suasana yang sementara.
sulit untuk menerimanya bila pada suatu saat akan seperti ini,,
berakhir.
inikah harusnya..?
dalam senyum mereka mengatakan tentang sahabatnya dan persahabatan.
dalam tawa mereka merangkul erat kedua hal itu,,
namun saat suatu ketidaksempurnaan seorang manusia tidak dapat mereka terima,
dalam amarah mereka mencaci sahabat dan persahabatan.
dalam kecewa mereka membuang kedua hal itu.
tanpa menyadari nurani mereka yang terhalang emosi.
kini,
mereka hidup dalam kata sahabat yang semu pula.
mereka ketakutan hidup dalam persahabatan yang mulia.
mereka resah berdiri dalam tonggak keramaian.
mereka memiliki dunia lagi di dalam dunia ini.
dan hanya untuk mereka.
aQ mencoba menerima ini semua.
karena aQ tak bisa melawannya.
dan tak mungkin Q masuki dunia yang terkunci untukQ itu.
aQ yang terlalu di belakang mereka,,
sudah jauh tertinggal karena jatuh.
namun mereka tetap terus melangkah dalam suka,,
untuk menemukan cita dan cinta.
yang tak bisa mereka dapatkan bersamaQ.
aQ hanya bisa berdoa untuk mereka,,
yang sedang melayang dalam pencarian mereka.
yang sedang tertawa riang dalam persahabatan mereka.
yang tak bisa Q kejar lagi di belakang jejak langkah mereka.
agar tetap tersenyum dalam segala kesemuan ini,,

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I Think I'm Craving

Now,, 20:30 11/08/2008
i'm all alone here.
in my dad's room.
with all scattered things.

don't know why, friend...
i think i'm craving,,
to somebody that left me away.
that didn't care anymore to me.
or even, hate me..!
i think i'm craving,,
in many days without him.
in the things that remind me to him.
or even, the memories..!
i think i'm craving,,
coz his shadow always come everytime.
coz his smile always showed in my heart.
or even, scare me..!

let me forget all things of him.
let me go out from this memory gallery
let me see his smile for the last time
in real sight.
not an imagination.
not a memory.
and i will get a new sheet to write
in this life again.
in this new file again.

i pray,
God always bless him.
anytime, anywhere, anyhow,
coz he's loved by everyone.
and me...
i think i'm craving,, 20:50 11/08/2008

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