Back From Mars

(take a deep breath)
Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
FINALLY I BLOGGED!

just for this time..
(waste of breath)

well well well.. it's been 3 months since i posted my last words here.
i did want to post anything but the internet wasn't with me these months. you know, i have the connection today because of my friend's modem..lol

my life has just begun.

my boyfriend is still in his hometown, left me for the fourth month. so i guess i'll spend my Christmas holiday, here, at the work place. i don't get an off day!
now, i always have some events in every weekend. friends are increasing, calls and texts and chats. it feels like rising again from the grave. yes, i like being busy. but i never wish my money being busy too.

i have a problem with my skin (oh, i always do). but it continually makes me suffer with pimples or itchy areas. i have tried to keep everything clean. but.. i can't sleep earlier and the mosquitoes also faithfully accompany me every time so how can i? sometimes my faith fades a little because of this disaster. how can?

well, Christmas is coming. my friend asked me to shop some clothes in Jakarta but i don't really confident with my current situation, it's so sad. :(
so maybe i'll just join in some events in a church then cleaning the house as a Christmas gift for my housemates. i don't know how this Christmas would be.
can't find another word, classically, i miss him so much. i really hope that i could spend the end of the year with him, then welcoming new year together. what a perfect imagination but it doesn't make me happy. i want the real one.

do you remember when the last time i posted about how bad i was to my family. i do not remember..lol
but it's okay. the situation is not in a cold war anymore. yeah, still not well but fine. i called my dad, said something he never thought about, then called my mom, said something she wants to hear about. i was so relieved. but that was the beginning of the journey! what journey? whatever.

anyway thanks to my Lord, Jesus. He never leave me whenever wherever. so good night, i'm ready to open tomorrow's gift from my Best Friend, Jesus.. :)

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Belle is Married Stealthy

i just moved yesterday and it was uhh.. yeah, a lil fun.. at least it was not bad !
although the room is smaller but there is an air conditioner. but i can't have drinks all the time coz i have to buy it by myself. everything is different now. i have to wash my own clothes, have my own drink, clean my own room and around, and it's not hard of course. i can do those all coz i ever did. i just had being a princess for 5 months and i enjoyed it. this is the time to be an independent woman.. :D

and about an independent woman, we have one more, she's BELLE !
my lovely little hamster, she's a mom for 3 kids now ! yesterday when we just arrived at new boarding house, Belle and Moon were in a fight. i watched them and i realized Belle was not as usual. Moon went away and Belle looked wrought-up. her bottom was black. but when i watched thoroughly it was not her bottom. " IT'S A BABY!!!! "

i surprised and can't close my mouth looking at Belle. quickly i moved Moon away from that cage to a trash can (i don't have another better place in that new boarding house). and watched Belle again. she gave a born to 3 kids !!!!

YAAAAAYYYY !!!

but i'm not that happy. Moon and Belle is a sister and brother. they shouldn't do that!! coz their kids will be . . . . barren. the kids will not able to have a kid. :(

and i hope i can watch them out carefully. Belle didn't look good today. in the morning, she was still cheerful as usual. but when i'll leave, she looked so tired and didn't want to come out from her tiny house. i hope Belle, Moon, and their kids will be fine in that new boarding house, hope the weather is suitable for them..

well, i got my new phone!!! Blackberry 9550 Storm 2 Odin. like it so much! much! much! coz i can't use skype anymore to talk with my Honey, so using that messenger, we can always keep contact more than texting..

and i hope this is not my last post for this year, coz there's no internet line in my new boarding house. i'll always try to update this blog coz i love it so much..

anyone who wants to be my friend in Blackberry Messenger, just add me in 31364844.. thanks and have a nice day.. i'm in my previous boarding house to get the internet and find some software for my new phone and take my things..lol

tomorrow is Monday, but the class will be quiet coz children are having holidays. on Tuesday and Wednesday, is our turns having fun!! i'll go to Jakarta to chillin' with my mom and my mom's sister and my mom's sister's kids..lol

i love my day. everyday is precious! have your Precious Days..

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My Day Wasn't Bad

yeah, tomorrow i'll move to the next town..
it's nearer from my work place and i hope there will be more exciting stuffs and moments.. :)

i was just calling my baby (i mean my boyfriend) and i think that's the last our conversation via Skype.. but i don't have to be sad coz . . . .

I'LL GET A NEW PHONE TOMORROW !!
YEEEEEE HAAAAAAw !!! *\^^/*

why?

coz it still keep the communication between us. maybe some times i'll go to a mall and use the internet there to chit chat with my beloved boyfriend via webcam again..lol
beside that, we can texting, calling, everything, then is the world today so hard to have a daily conversation???

yeah, i'm happy.. so happy and thanks to my Honey to support me along this month although u're not here with me.. :')
I MISS U SO BAD, HONEEEEYYYY... <3 

by the way, i just watched the new video of Kevjumba !! it's soooooo funny and i can't stop laughing. his videos always make me laugh and happy.. (thanks anyway, Kevin!) keep going to make your cool videos! 

and it's almost midnight, i need a rest coz tomorrow will be so busy and i hope everything that is planned will be done well. AMEN! 

:)

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What a Teen

after i posted Heartbreaker some hours ago, i read the whole blog that mention Kevin Wu. and i found a post dated on Friday (February 25, 2011), that the girl is officially over Kevjumba.

WOW !

how fast.

i realized after seeing her photos. omg, it's just a teen, who believes what teen says? should i?!?!

and i read the reason why she ended her obsession, and it doesn't make any senses !
what was she thinking?

Kevin Wu is handsome and cute. there's no doubt that many girls like him so bad. so do that girl and i. but she found out that she didn't really love who Kevin is. she just like his IDEA. yeah, Kevin is funny and his videos are awesome. of course that girl fell in him, but not in love instead.

don't too much think about her, Yuli. she's just a teen that likes many artist within some period of time. why are u so serious? lol

fyuhh.. so relieved to hear that.. :)

but i still can't remember the finishing step for this rubiks 4x4x4.. :P

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My Lovely Hamster: Gembul

i got him at December 2010. and his name was given by my boyfriend, Kaleb. since the first time i saw that cute hamster, i always thought about him. until we came for the next time, Kaleb bought it to me.. i was so happy.. ^^

Gembul likes popcorn

 
here is my hamsters photo album in Facebook.

he was so fat. that's what Gembul name means. chubby and round like a feather ball. i loved him so much..

Hotta and Gembul were sleepy

but at June 2011, he died leaving his wife and kids, and me.

Gembul was trying to reach Hotta that was pregnant

now his kids are with me and my friend, Ranti. 
she took a kid from 2nd birth (Idup) and 3 kids from 3rd birth (Wildy, Calmy, and Mystery) and Gembul's wife (Hotta)

the family from 1st birth

his 1st birth kid (Belle) and one of 3rd birth (Moon) are with me now.
i love my hamsters.. :*
 

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Heartbreaker

spending times on Sunday.. i had headache along this week.. :(

i just checked the new boarding house that i will stay in. quite good and i have to do everything by myself, without housemaid like current boarding house. no problem, it's to train me also to being a diligent girl for the future..lol

i went here and there by cycling, omg it gained a lot of my Sunday power. *laying down*

i just read a blog. a Malaysian girl's that addicted SO MUCH to Kevin Wu (Kevjumba) just like me. but she's worse..

she has an obsession to marry that boy !! and she will go to America to meet him and study in a near university from Texas. omg, i'm absolutely jealous while i'm reading her whole post about Kevin. this girl is talkative and writes ALL of her thoughts in that blog. and she SERIOUSLY said it, that Kevin Wu will be her husband. NOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!

i don't want it. i'm not willing to that happens !!

well, although her opinion that 3 years ago Kevin had a girlfriend (i saw it too from one of his video, there was a cardbroad that had a picture of Kevin and a girl. my eyes opened widely and my heart felt hurt). she thought that Kevin and Phoebe (may be that's the girl's name) already broke up. but i don't give a damn, Kevin has to choose the girl he loves, not the girl loves and fanatic of him..

i also read some chats in a university that talked about Kevin Wu. they said that Kevin is just like a normal student, although a girl screamed his name on the park. *like this!*

Keviiiiiinnnnn,, i hope you read this post. i hope you get my mail on your website and reply me.. yes i'm your fans and i want you happy as you want. not if there's a girl asks you so  bad to marry her !!!!

>_<

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Netlog Profile

Yuli Wang mempunyai profil yang cool!

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I Love Conan

seingatku waktu zaman masih pake disket, aku masih di bangku SMP. hampir tiap hari ke warnet buat browsing n chatting. chatting waktu itu masih pake Mirc n chat nya jg ga jelas, iseng2, kerjain orang mulu..hahaha. sedangkan klo browsing, pasti nyarinya gambar2 Detective Conan. mpe 2 disket kesayanganku penuh gara2 isinya gambar2 itu aja. tapi waktu itu aku ga terlalu gila Conan bgt cuma baca komiknya n nonton filmnya klo sempat.

bulan ini aku jadi teringat lg akan komik kesukaanku itu. selama SMA n kuliah dulu, aku uda jarang baca komik Conan lg, mpe ketinggalan jauh volumenya. yg terbaru sekarang uda 63, di Jepang uda 70. pengarangnya, Aoyama Gosho uda punya endingnya..aduuhh, bikin penasaran banget nih. terakhir ini aku cuma baca mpe 50! masih ada belasan lg. tapi karena kerja n suka keasikan browsing, aku baca 1 volume aja lamaaaaaa banget. bisa mpe 2 hari, ga langsung baca selesai.. -_____-

malah sekarang keasikan download2 filmnya, ada live actionnya juga (diperankan oleh manusia) agak aneh sih, kaku, tapi aku suka artis yg jadi Ai Haibara, namanya Shibata Kyoka!

karya Aoyama Gosho yg lain kayak Yaiba jg aku suka banget. sayangnya belum baca mpe selesai padahal itu komik jadul. sesibuk itukah dirimu, Yul?? aku aja ga percaya deh.. -__-

tapi nikmati aja dulu dah apa yg ada. aku cinta Conaaaaann !
jangan Sinichi deh, ntar Ran cemburu, bisa2 aku dihajarnya.. klo Ai n Ayumi yg cemburu, biarin dah.. :p

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New Blog, But I Still Love U

yeah, as the title told u, i have a new blog in Tumblr with same name, Precious Days.
it looks better but  easy as Blogspot. but i'll still make posts in this memorial blog. u just so classic and i like it. and i can differentiate what topics i should share in here and there, of course it'll be different. don't be sad, Blogspot. i'm still with u. i ever made an account in Wordpress too, but i totally didn't understand how to use it. the worst is, i forget my username and password for that account, completely unfortunate for Wordpress.. :))
u can visit my new blog, it's just for fun. not really serious topics coz it'll be shared on my social network accounts. u're published and shared, but i'm not really ready to make u my public blog.
be friends, Precious Days and always Precious Days.. :))

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When The Road Is Still Long

alarm jam 6 berbunyi dan aku bangun hanya untuk mematikannya. lalu tidur lagi.

detik berikutnya saat mataku terbuka kembali, jam 8 hampir saja meninggalkanku, biasanya jam 9 yg begitu. aku bangkit dari tempat tidur dan berjalan ke arah cermin, mengecek jerawatku apakah mereka sudah mengubur diri masing2 dalam semalam. kemudian aku tersenyum lebar sambil melihat rambutku yg acak2an.

hey, good morning !

alarm jam 11.30 berbunyi dan aku bersiap2 untuk berangkat kerja. menyiapkan barang2 di tas, jaket, dan earphone ku.. mengingat2 kapan terakhir kali aku mengganti kaos kaki dan jaket. ku sapa Belle dan Moon yg tertidur pulas atau bermain di kinciran. dan memutar lagu untuk ku nikmati di perjalanan.

hey, good afternoon !

aku bersepeda dari kost sampai tempat kerja, melewati perumahan elit, menembus jalan lewat pom bensin, kemudian lanjut di jalan yg penuh truk beserta debu dan asapnya, sampai tiba di kota sebelah tempat aku bekerja. kemudian empat jam menguras otak dan tenaga untuk anak2 yg dititipkan untuk belajar tambahan cukup membuat kalori ku terbakar banyak. dan pulang bersama rekan sekerja, bercanda ria, dan kembali bersepeda melewati jalur yg sama menuju kost.

hey, good evening !

ku sapa Belle dan Moon, mereka makin akrab layaknya dua bayi kembar yg lucu. kemudian aku bersantai menikmati malamku di depan netbook sampai hari berakhir sambil mengingat2 apa yg akan kulakukan besok.

hey, good night !


jalan masih panjang, bulan depan ceritaku untuk hariku akan berubah lagi (kecuali untuk satu hal*). cukup sudah debu dan asap itu mengganggu wajahku dan mengundang para jerawat, mau ga mau juga aku akan pindah ke kota sebelah itu..

ada senang ada sedih jg. tapi dijalanin aja.. God bless.. :)


*the moments with my Honey ;)

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Lagu Terindah dari Hatiku

Kala waktu aku lalui sendiri
Angin berbisik pelan
Lembut di ujung rambutku
Entah kata apa yang terlintas
Bagai puisi bisu terlantun

Lama aku terdiam dan diam
Orang-orang tak kan peduli
Video hari-hariku pun terlupakan
Enggan lagi bercerita perih
Seakan menyimpan rahasia

Yang tak tersampaikan
Untuk kau mengerti kini
Lagu terindah dari hatiku
Indahnya mencintaimu

*udah lama banget ga bikin puisi..hihihi :D

arti puisinya ga gitu susah dimengerti, tapi agak susah dimengerti juga.. XP

aku persembahkan untuk yang kusayang, ko Kaleb.

I LovE U

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Diskriminasi

mungkin agak aneh hari ini aku mengangkat topik yg cukup sensitif.

ya, sesuai judul di atas, kata itu tiba2 saja membuatku penasaran kemarin siang. karena aku ga menyangka akan ada pemikiran seperti itu di sekitarku. memang bukan aku yg dituduh sebagai pelaku diskriminasi itu. tapi ...

aneh sekali kedengarannya.. '~'

ya memang, dalam pekerjaan yg sama, aku mengerjakan lebih banyak, datang lebih awal, dan cukup tau banyak info. itu kan berarti tanggung jawab yg besar, dan aku juga ga pernah terpikirkan utk menyombongkan diri karena apa yg aku dapat, itu juga karena kerja kerasku. mereka juga bisa kok seperti aku, klo yg di pikiran mereka bukan "aku ga penting" melulu..

berarti di pikiranku "aku penting" donk?

Ya! karena siapa lagi yg akan mempercayai kita di saat kita tersesat di pikiran sendiri? makanya Percaya Diri itu penting, asal sewajarnya.

dan orang yg tidak percaya diri itulah yg merasa sebagai korban diskriminasi dan berbisik padaku, "aku merasa didiskriminasi".

aku hampir terbelalak dengan apa yg ia rasakan. apa ada sikapku yg salah sehingga dia merasa tidak penting? seingatku aku selalu berusaha mengajaknya terlibat dalam hal2 kecil atau apa pun itu karena aku sedang dalam proses Mengejar Kasih (seperti postinganku yg kemarin2). memang, dia bilang bukan karena aku, tapi atasan.

hmm..wajar sih, karena dia belum tau keadaan yg sebenarnya. hanya saja, pikiran yg terlalu negatif itu terlalu berbahaya klo dipelihara terus. karena bukan aku saja yg merasa terusik, teman sekerja yg lain juga. kemudian klo suatu hari dia tenggelam lagi dalam pikiran negatifnya yg ga pasti itu, suasana yg akan kami dapat hanya kemuraman yg menakutkan.

sore harinya, aku menggantikan pekerjaannya sementara agar ia bisa berbincang sejenak dengan atasan tentang keadaan yg telah berubah sekarang, yaitu dengan bertambahnya tanggung jawabku. ku harap ia mengerti dan ga merasa didiskriminasi lagi. hari sabtu ini juga, aku berharap dia bisa hadir di pertemuan rohani seperti biasa.

if u have the attention to care others, u'll understand what i wrote today.. for tomorrow will never be the same as today.

Move On !

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Idols

entah sejak kapan aku menyukai penyanyi yg mengambil bagian dalam perubahan hidupku..

yeah, pemilik Abbey Down itu seakan menghipnotisku bukan hanya dengan lagunya, tapi juga karakternya (kalo kata Cesar Dog Whisperer, "her energy"..)

mungkin agak membingungkan kenapa lagu2nya bisa mengubah hidupku. lagu2 Avril dulu kebanyakan bernuansa agak melow dan dandanannya agak gothic. kalo sering denger dan nonton video klipnya, aku merasa karakternya mendominasi diriku.. jadi gothic, misterius, dan sensitif.
beberapa tahun terakhir ini, Avril merubah penampilannya juga gaya musiknya karena dia berkembang juga sesuai umur dan udah memasuki kehidupan pernikahan, jadi pasti uda makin dewasa. lagu2nya lebih terasa bersemangat dan dia jadi maniak warna pink. setiap video klipnya ga pernah terlewatkan nuansa warna pink. bahkan rambutnya dicat warna tersebut, plus hijau.
of course, dari situ aku merasa penampilannya lebih baik dari sebelumnya yang terlalu tidak feminine.. :p

haruskah aku mengakuinya kalo aku juga jadi lebih feminine (sedikit) sekarang? :D


mungkin aku menyukainya sejak aku mulai sering masuk ke kamar kakak sepupuku dulu. saat ia sedang asik2nya menggilai penyanyi "gila" itu, aku melihat begitu banyak poster dan majalah yg membahas Avril. Avril Lavigne. sejak saat itu, aku hanya memgenalnya lewat kakak sepupuku. ia punya setumpuk kepingan CD lagu2 Avril dan aku coba2 download beberapa lagu tersebut di waktu senggangku. aku baru menyadarinya, dari hari pertama aku men-download lagunya, aku masih setia mendengarkannya sampai saat ini. bahkan aku mencari info tentangnya, mengoleksi fotonya, menghapal lirik lagu2nya, berkenalan dengan sesama penggemarnya.. WOW !

ternyata aku benar2 nge-fans ma dia..hahaha (fans biasa, ga fanatik kok)


selain Avril, aku juga mengidolakan seorang artis yg terkenal lewat YouTube. eits, bukan JB. Kevin Wu, dengan omongannya yang 1/4 bullshit itu ternyata telah membuatku terkesan olehnya.. :O

dengan nama ID Kevjumba di YouTube, anak Texas itu uda punya banyak subscriber. teman mainnya juga lucu2, seperti Chester See, Happy Slip, dan Ryan Higa. yg membuat aku makin suka sama Kevin adalah dia buat channel lain di YouTube dengan nama JumbaFund untuk membangun sebuah sekolah di Kenya.
well, dia juga pernah menyanyi dengan Wong Fu production dan teman2nya. tapi dia ga pernah balas tweet ku..hiks.. :'(

anyway, karena kemaren aku kaget lihat jumlah postinganku dalam setengah tahun ini baru memasuki angka belasan, aku mungkin akan lebih rajin nge-blog. lagipula, di hari2 yg berharga ini (Precious Days) aku ingin lebih banyak menggoreskan kisahku agar suatu hari nanti kalo aku sudah beruban dan pikun, aku akan tersenyum mendapati tulisanku saat masih di masa remaja..hihihi

An idol is someone u like, not someone u wanna be. everything's optional. choose it !

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Mengejar Kasih

welcome August !!
aku makin kangen sama ko Kaleb.. >_< gara2 ditinggal uda stengah bulan ke Salatiga.. aku sendirian terus di sini,, ga ngapa2in.. cuma tungguin sms nya atau tunggu dia bales YM, atau ngobrol lewat Skype.. i really miss him..
pertengahan Agustus ntar dia baru pulang.. :')
cepat pulanglah, Sayang.. :*

hari pertama bulan ini dihiasi dengan perasaan yg cukup membahagiakan..
bisa menyapa org2 yg kusayang, datang lebih awal ke tempat kerja, dan menyuruh temanku mengejar seseorang utk menyatakan perasaan.. (hahaha...lebay !)

hari Sabtu (30 July 2011) kemarenn ada pemuridan di kost ku.. aku dapet kado ultah dari ms. Ike..hehe. hadiahnya adalah Book Of Eli.. :D
temanya ttg "Mengejar Kasih".. dan kami di kasi tugas yg harus selesai dalam 2 minggu ini sebelum kami mengadakan pertemuan lg.. mengejar seseorang tadi itulah salah satu usahanya..hahaha

apa perlu aku ceritakan kisah panas di mana aku terlibat di dalamnya?

kurasa tidak.

aku cuma teringat saat dulu, aku pernah menjadi seseorang seperti seseorang yg dikejar itu.. (ah, ribet sekali.. sebut saja Bunga). mempunyai pribadi seperti Bunga itu bener bener tidak bener ! maksudku, tidak menyenangkan.. karena aku sendiri yg tidak akan hidup dengan tenang jika pikiranku selalu negatif, tertutup, selalu berprasangka buruk, terlalu cemas akan segala hal, dan menganggap diri sendiri lemah..

walaupun Bunga tau tentang dirinya itu, ga ada usaha untuk memperbaiki apa pun yg terlihat tidak beres. entah itu dirinya sendiri, keadaan yg ga cocok, atau orang2 di sekitarnya.. karena seperti yg dikatakan sebelumnya, dia menganggap dirinya lemah dan ga bisa apa2.. well, masa2 jadi Bunga ku uda selesai, sekarang aku uda jadi...... Buah !! wkwkwk

yah, begitulah susahnya orang yg susah move on.. saking banyaknya masalah, dia ga mau mengakui dia punya masalah dalam hal tertentu. mungkin dia bahkan berpikir klo aku membuatnya jatuh ke dalam masalah yg sekarang lg panas.. tidak taukah ia, orang2 di sekitarnya tau dia uda lama tenggelam dalam masalah ini, sekarang aku mau membantunya keluar dari lubang gelap itu. klo dia ga mau, aku pengen liat orang selanjutnya yg berjuang untuknya akan berhasil apa ga.. dia tau dia ga akan punya teman lg di mana2, dan dia hanya diam aja menikmati nasibnya.. :|

mungkin inilah awal usahaku dalam mengejar kasih.. dari sebuah tugas sederhana, semoga bisa berlanjut sampai seterusnya.. dalam hal Bunga, aku cuma terlibat sebagai penengah pertama. berarti ada penengah kedua donk? oh iya, ada donk..hahaha
itu klo aku ga berhasil meluluhkan hati si Bunga, penengah keduanya yg akan bertindak..hahaha :D

kita berdoa aja ya buat pihak2 yg terlibat itu.. (kayak ada masalah gede aja.. biasa aja donk!) XD

well, have a nice August !
aku ga sabar nungguin Honey pulang.. pengen cepet2 ketemu.. >_< thanks, God for this great day.. :*

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How Lucky I Am !

orang2 bilang hidupku begitu beruntung..
aku bisa ke sini dan melanjutkan hidupku dengan lebih baik, dapat kerjaan, dapat pacar, punya ini itu, bisa ini itu, bla bla bla..
aku bersyukur orang2 bilang aku begitu.. sadar ga sadar, ucapan mereka bagaikan sebuah doa.. aku jadi beneran beruntung..hahaha
walau dalam waktu2 sendiri aku sering merenungkan pahitnya hidup yg sedang kujalani, aku mencoba utk tetap tersenyum utk siapa saja.. aku ga mau lagi memperlihatkan kesedihanku pada siapa pun, aku ga mau kelihatan lemah, sekalipun di depan ko Kaleb yg selalu menguatkanku..
aku berusaha membuat diriku setegar tokoh2 komik kesukaanku.. aku berusaha membuat diriku sesukses idola favoritku.. aku berusaha membuat diriku sehebat gambaranku..
dan lihatlah, dengarlah kata orang2.. mereka bahkan tercengang mendengar kisah hidupku, yg kuanggap biasa2 saja.. mereka bangga mengenalku.. mereka terbelalak melihat diriku melakukan hal2 yg kusuka, hal2 yg tidak bisa mereka kerjakan..
aku merasa beruntung bisa menjadi yg sekarang karena Tuhan ada di sampingku selama ini.. tangisku tidak sia2 pecah untuk menguatkanku.. mataku tidak sia2 melihat dan membaca pengalaman2 untukku melakukan hal yg lebih baik.. kelemahanku tidak sia2 terpancar untuk mengatakan bahwa aku bisa lebih kuat..
i'm really so happy to be me.. thans a lot, God.. :)

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Happy Birthday to Me

yeah, Happy Birthday, Yuli ~
God bless u always..

hari ini aku patut bersyukur masi bisa bernapas sampai 19 tahun..
padahal sejak aku SMA, saat aku maniak angka 19, aku selalu mengharapkan ultah yg ke-19 ini bakal berbeda dari tahun2 sebelumnya.
karena aku juga punya pacar yg tercinta di hari ultah tapi dia ga di sini sekarang.. :(
klo yg dulu, aku selalu putus tepat sebelum aku ultah, bahkan ada yg pas ultah. sekarang, tetep musti sendirian lg krn si dia sedang jauh di sana..hahaha
tp gpp deh, biar sedih aku masi punya temen2 yg inget ultahku walau ga banyak yg inget.. tiap tahun cuma ngelakuin ritual penyembuhan pribadi di kamar aja. menguatkan diri sendiri, bahwa aku ga mau sll jadi pribadi yg lemah.. korbannya adalah puluhan helai tissue.. tragis ya..
yah, paling tidak setiap tahun, aku selalu punya rekor dlm kategori pribadi yg makin berkembang.. beruntunglah kalian yg baru mengenalku, kalian ga tau seberapa hancurnya aku yg dulu..
sekarang aku emang uda hancur, tapi dari situ aku jadi kuat ! :D

aku teringat hadiah ultahku dari mama 2 tahun yg lalu.. yah ga bisa dibilang hadiah juga sih, karena mama sendiri ga tau itu hari ultahku. aku yg menganggap itu adalah hadiah dari mama walau dia sendiri ga menyadarinya. mama ngejahitin kelambuku, kemudian kami mengobrol santai.. ntah kenapa aku begitu menikmati saat2 itu, waktu kami tidak bertengkar mulut dan tersenyum saling berhadapan. malam itu sampai malam berikutnya aku sangat bahagia.. walau mama ga pernah sekalipun ingat hari ultahku lagi sejak aku berumur belasan tahun sampai hari ini.. ingat ga ingat, hubunganku sama mama yg masih baik2 aja adalah hadiah terindah yg kupunya..

sebenarnya hari ini aku sangat mengharapkan kehadiran orang2 yg kusayang. benar2 sangat kuharapkan. aku sampai berkhayal mama meneleponku ngucapin selamat ulang tahun, berkhayal pacarku tiba2 pulang demi hari ultahku, berkhayal temen2 menelepon rame2 dan berteriak di ujung telepon, "happy birthday"

khayalan tinggal khayalan, saat ini aku cuma duduk di depan netbuk sambil dengerin lagu dan ngabisin tissue. setelah ini ya jalanin ritual tahunan seperti biasa. dalam hati aku tetap bahagia karena kasih Tuhan. aku hanya kekurangan kepuasan duniawi, membodohi diri sendiri dan bersedih tak berujung.

well, aku tersenyum bahagia saat ini.. dalam pikiranku ada Mama, Papa, Lisa, Tina, David, Kaleb, sahabat2ku Vania, Vonny, DeChan, Novia, P.A, semuanya.. walau mereka melupakanku, aku yakin aku sangat bahagia bisa sempat bersama mereka.

i'll be fine.. :)

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Hi again.. 14 July 2011

hi my Blog..
really long time no see u.. ;)
dari pertengahan bulan Juni mpe tanggal 12 kemaren aku ke Salatiga (lagi)..
liburan yg menyenangkan, kami jalan2 ke banyak tempat sekalian wisata kuliner.
ke Muncul, Tawangmangu, Borobudur, Wonosari, Jogja, Solo, dll..
aku juga ada belajar berenang, yah.. uda lumayan bisa..hehe
cuma ga pandai ambil napas..
di situ jg dingin banget seperti biasa..bikin pengen tidur mulu..haha
actually, i really enjoyed it. thanks, God.. :)
hari ini aku juga musti bersyukur, walau jauh dari ko Kaleb karea dia balik ke Salatiga (lagi)
aku bisa ketemu mama setelah 1 tahun aku di Tangerang.
syukur juga mama uda dapat kerjaan di Pademangan. bisa ketemu keluarga juga di sini..
well, walau hatiku sempat terkoyak2 waktu baca sms Lisa di inbox hape mama.
aku baru tau keadaan rumah sekarang kayak gimana..
tapi yakin2 aja deh, semuanya bakal baik2 aja.. Tuhan menjaga kita kok, Ma..
liburan di Juni Juli ini lumayan menyenangkan.. aku sempat sedih banget banget banget
pas denger ko Kaleb mau balik lagi ke Salatiga selama sebulan.
haduh, ga enak banget tuh pikiran, taunya negatif thinking terus..
tapi sehari sebelum dia berangkat, aku uda cukup tenang n santai ditinggal dia sementara.
dia uda ajak nonton bioskop, traktir Baji Pamai, ngasih bunga mawar pink..
aku yakin semua bakal baik2 aja.. aku percaya apa yg dilakukannya di sana.. :)

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Smile :)

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Bad Feelings

Entah kenapa aku sering merasa sedih tiba2.
Waktu malam aku sendirian, waktu ko Kaleb tidur dan aku sendirian, waktu aku bersepeda pulang kerja.
Aku selalu menangis diam2.. ada sesuatu yg mengganggu pikiranku, dan aku ga tau harus dengan kata2 apa utk mengungkapkannya.
Di hari2 aku selalu tersenyum dan tertawa bareng ko Kaleb n temen2, aku ngerasa bahagia bgt n feel everything's alright.
Di balik itu semua ada tangis yg tak terlihat. Kemudian aku berdoa dan tertidur.
Semuanya terasa baik2 aja pada paginya. dan akan berulang lg pada malamnya, atau di waktu aku sendirian. Karena aku belum temukan jawabannya utk mengobati tangis tiba2 ini. Menghentikan kesedihan dan kekhawatiran yg selalu mengancam langkahku utk seterusnya.
Dalam tawa, aku lupakan semua yg membuatku bagai orang frustasi. Aku menutupinya dan membohongi diriku selama ini agar merasakan bahwa semua ini baik2 aja.
Setahun ini aku akan menikmati malam2 ku dengan air mata. dan akan lebih banyak lagi utk bulan Juni nanti.
Aku tau Tuhan akan memberiku rencana yg indah. Aku berharap padaNya dan aku selalu punya harapan.
I just have to strengthen this fragile heart..
Cheer me up..

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Pink April

There were so much blue in last months, huh?
com'on,  it's the time to cheerin' up!

i was sick and absent for a day. thank God i'm much better now. :)
i started to live my new life with my childhood dreams.
*i always make a new beginning of my life, whenever!!
it seems great to have my childhood happiness.


1. i read my favorite comics.

Charlie Chaplin

2. i watch my favorite movies.

3. i listen to the classic songs that i love the most.

pink notes everywhere !

4. i make many notes in my room's wall.

5.i write down my favorite lyrics to sing it anytime.

6. i have so many candies !

look, i have many dreams when i was a kid !
so, go on! i like to do these all..

PLUS:
i add pink everywhere: my wall, my jacket, my shoes, my netbook, etc.

and i spend so much time with God, my mother, my Honey, my friends.

thanks, Lord.
in the bad times i can see the bright side of my life. i hope i can do this for my lifetime.
hope there will be no blue stories anymore.. :)

AMEN !

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a Relax Time Please

hi, my blog..
i don't know what i have to say right now. i feel so complicated.
and i just need some shelter to accompany me in this dumb feeling.
without any judgment.
i know i always make mistakes and never be a perfect one.
i feel so guilty for everyone that i love because i can't give them my best
although i gave it. coz they won't know that it's my best.
my best is just that all. so foolish to be a perfect one.
what should i do? i really need a time. just right now to have a relax time.
my brain never stops thinking from some weeks ago and i feel so stress.
i didn't go to teach this morning. i can't see i'll be crazy right there.

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All New

another day is coming. but another heart has to follow it.

i know i have to have a new heart, not just the new days.

i'll get it in Jesus.. :)

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Wonder

i'm wondering and always will be..
what will i do in this sucking time, when i am down and no hand to reach out.
when i lose my control and have no time to clear my mind yet.
will everyone leave me and think that i'm a creep with my loon act?
do they come when i'm happy and go when i'm sad?
what are they doing for?
i don't have any reason even i feel that i'm right.
i'm not okay..

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Happy Holiday !

owh hi !
it's really long time no see !
even my latest post was my Christmas Eve..hahaha
well, my holiday in Salatiga was great, i felt good there. :)

now is February, a full of love month.
my relationship is still fine and my job is done well.
everything feels alright. everything.

the Chinese New Year holiday was left..
and Valentine Day is ahead.
i see everyone is preparing everything special to their lover.
and i'm thinking about mine, what should i do even i don't know
what should i give to my lovely boyfriend because i'm not used to.
i know everyday and every moment with him are special.
but i think it doesn't matter to follow this international tradition. :p

i'm doing so great this new year, hope it will be so.
really, i'm really grateful for Him.

i'm also thankful for him, everyone.

i know my life's not perfect, but i can live it perfectly !

how? i'm living with God !!

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