it feels fun and weird at the same time to go back to your old blog and type again.
i wrote my deep thoughts in quirky words, which made you may misunderstand and bored.
and here i am,
as the same person, but different role in life.
i'm a working mom now, with two kids.
living in a quite big city where everything runs fast.
24 hours seems like never be enough.
typing these words in the middle of my rest in weekend, trying to express my self again more in words.
what's the point of this post?
may be it's a "welcoming back post" for me.
i have account in some social medias but i still feel comfortable to type here only.
i don't know, may be something you call "there's nothing like home"? lol
eventhough no body read this here, but my older self will read some day and be grateful for my improvement day by day, month to month, and year to year.
God is just so good :)
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Late Night Thoughts
I quote the royal family's motto: never complain, never explain; which helps me to work without noise but with result.
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Judging is easy. We do it to everyone and everything, simply in our mind.
Then judgement will create complaints and excuses out of our brilliant thoughts, about everything.
Will we stop it there or continue producing the words of complaints and excuses through our tongue and lips?
I personally don't like to explain myself, or what i have did. It never crossed my mind to fix someone's impression about me or to make them understand and agree with me. Let people be people.
Complaints? I rarely spit it out except for something extremelly awful.
Just because I don't like to hear complaints about every little thing which we can just fix with a little snap. But constructive criticism will benefit a lot and I will delightfully hear that.
First Post in 2021
My hobby WAS writing. As you can see i started this blog since 2010 with emotional paragraphs, and my last post was 5 years ago. Wow!
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As the time goes by, my hobby now is scrolling social media. Things change, things are changed. But let me share some thoughts (again) here and i will start from:
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2021 !
If you learn the history of 2019 and 2020, and maybe also 2021, you may ever heard the big news about pandemic of this era. Yeah, it was the years we face coronavirus as something unseen but impactful for all aspects of life. Schools are closed for onsite learning, people work from home, hospitals are full with patients, and everyone wears mask.
My students have been studying from home by online learning since March 2020. I can imagine how bored they are, how much they miss their friends and crave for going out without worrying anything. I can hear their wishes every day to go back to school with normal situation.
Well kids, now we have "new normal". Like it or not, we have to do certain things to keep us from covid19:
1. Wash or sanitize hands
2. Wear mask
3. Keep distance with others
Etc. And those things are normal for us nowadays.
Health are important. Of course.
You can do many things even without money, but you can't without healthy body.
The responses for this pandemic are different, some take it seriously, some just chill out.
But one thing i believe, this virus exists and so does our mighty God.
They both can't be seen. It's because virus is too small, and God is too big.
So just do our part. And God will do His.
God bless
What Difference Have You Made?
today is the last day of November 2015.
i'd like to say that God has been really good in my life along this year. one month left and we'll welcome a new year.
and in this amazing week, i got a big question from someone that had talked about calling to be a teacher:
WHAT DIFFERENCE HAVE YOU MADE?
i am a teacher. i teach children. i mold some souls, little souls that is in their golden time to reach their proper shape. i realize that each of them is special. unique. beautiful. did i do the same boring things when facing them? did i listen to them when they need me? did i make them realize that they are precious? did i make something different that awed them? that changed their life?
if you are an office worker, archithect, doctor, students, businessman, any role you can be, let's make a reflection in this wonderful ending of the year. WHAT DIFFERENCE HAVE YOU MADE? in your home, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, in your school, in your network, everywhere! what the people see in you that makes them smiling and silently thanking you for making a difference in their life?
we have a month left. i'm gonna shut this computer down, pray, and sleep, and start a new day, a new month in the same year, to not regret what i didnt do. but to thanking what i can do: make a difference, no matter how small it is.
God bless :)
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i'd like to say that God has been really good in my life along this year. one month left and we'll welcome a new year.
and in this amazing week, i got a big question from someone that had talked about calling to be a teacher:
WHAT DIFFERENCE HAVE YOU MADE?
i am a teacher. i teach children. i mold some souls, little souls that is in their golden time to reach their proper shape. i realize that each of them is special. unique. beautiful. did i do the same boring things when facing them? did i listen to them when they need me? did i make them realize that they are precious? did i make something different that awed them? that changed their life?
if you are an office worker, archithect, doctor, students, businessman, any role you can be, let's make a reflection in this wonderful ending of the year. WHAT DIFFERENCE HAVE YOU MADE? in your home, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, in your school, in your network, everywhere! what the people see in you that makes them smiling and silently thanking you for making a difference in their life?
we have a month left. i'm gonna shut this computer down, pray, and sleep, and start a new day, a new month in the same year, to not regret what i didnt do. but to thanking what i can do: make a difference, no matter how small it is.
God bless :)
Lazy oh Lazy
i was looking for a moment in life where i can be a discipline girl with a neat and tidy schedule draft with detailed to-do list things. and i am. *crying in the corner*
since i was in junior high school, i wrote the daily things i wanna do to motivate me in being a better human being. i just looked back on my elementary school life when i got many "compliments" for my laziness: coming late EVERY DAY, never do homework, and lazy to talk with others. i walked with my poker face so nobody thought i was stressed out of their words. it's funny how it could motivate me to be a more dilligent girl by using the drafts to remind me about what i should do on that day.
the thing is, i failed many times. i mean, i've made the list on the previous day, but as i wrote before: i use the drafts to remind me, not to force me. *oh yeah, that's the point*. when the laziness is coming, drafts will be drafts, they can't yell at me to wake me up from my playing-phone time, or from my leyeh-leyeh time (from Javanese, means being lazy time), or from my day dreaming time *it's still my favourite time*.
so it has been already about 10 years i make to-do-list notes. paper wasted, ink used, thoughts out, and my struggling for being dilligent and discipline still remains.
commitment, consistency, and continuous are what i need. anybody has idea to keep them safe? i got them but i got problems to keep them. :(
God bless
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since i was in junior high school, i wrote the daily things i wanna do to motivate me in being a better human being. i just looked back on my elementary school life when i got many "compliments" for my laziness: coming late EVERY DAY, never do homework, and lazy to talk with others. i walked with my poker face so nobody thought i was stressed out of their words. it's funny how it could motivate me to be a more dilligent girl by using the drafts to remind me about what i should do on that day.
the thing is, i failed many times. i mean, i've made the list on the previous day, but as i wrote before: i use the drafts to remind me, not to force me. *oh yeah, that's the point*. when the laziness is coming, drafts will be drafts, they can't yell at me to wake me up from my playing-phone time, or from my leyeh-leyeh time (from Javanese, means being lazy time), or from my day dreaming time *it's still my favourite time*.
so it has been already about 10 years i make to-do-list notes. paper wasted, ink used, thoughts out, and my struggling for being dilligent and discipline still remains.
commitment, consistency, and continuous are what i need. anybody has idea to keep them safe? i got them but i got problems to keep them. :(
God bless
World Without Strangers
world without strangers is boring.
yeah i met so many strangers and they give me so many stories to know.
well, i have a community - actually i have many communities, but this one is discipleship community - that we've been together for about 2 years or more. we make a meeting every two weeks and share everything that happened in our life and get lessons from our mentor or friends' experiences. well, we get many rich things in this community, just like another ones i have, but i find sisters like family, in here.
this little group, consists of 4 growing-up girls and a mother of 2 cute children as the mentor, is a group of strangers. you can say it unique but yeah we're strange for sure. we pray in a house or public place, we talk like children and laugh all the way, we share for hours and still continue the conversation in chat room. i never mean to show how religious we are. i want to show how important a community is in our life.
and the funny thing is, we started it all by being completely strangers. what are we now is something we never imagined. it's awesome!
so, simply greet the strangers with your beautiful and pure smile. may be they need it at that time. may be it's time to start a new friendship. may be it can brighten up your day, and theirs for sure.
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yeah i met so many strangers and they give me so many stories to know.
well, i have a community - actually i have many communities, but this one is discipleship community - that we've been together for about 2 years or more. we make a meeting every two weeks and share everything that happened in our life and get lessons from our mentor or friends' experiences. well, we get many rich things in this community, just like another ones i have, but i find sisters like family, in here.
this little group, consists of 4 growing-up girls and a mother of 2 cute children as the mentor, is a group of strangers. you can say it unique but yeah we're strange for sure. we pray in a house or public place, we talk like children and laugh all the way, we share for hours and still continue the conversation in chat room. i never mean to show how religious we are. i want to show how important a community is in our life.
and the funny thing is, we started it all by being completely strangers. what are we now is something we never imagined. it's awesome!
so, simply greet the strangers with your beautiful and pure smile. may be they need it at that time. may be it's time to start a new friendship. may be it can brighten up your day, and theirs for sure.
Girls: Complicatedly Unique
Many guys asked me about girls, yea because i'm a girl. they are curious how girls react of them, what girls think about them, and what they should do to attract their crushes?
It's funny that i'm not the expert and i'm not the researcher of "the kinds of girls", as you know that girls are complicated. by their minds, attitudes, opinions, especially during pms. i am a girl, but wait, i dont get angry easilly during pms. when mostly girls like romantic surprises or words from their crushes, i'm not a kind of that girl.
How simple it is if i say that we can't measure or judge girls generally because each of the girls is unique. but, it's true! totally! Just like you boys! (except you want to be ordinary, valued generally like your another male friends)"
We can say "mostly". yes, mostly girls like pink. they also like ice cream, cute accessories, shiny things, dolls, hiking, selfie, update cool photos on instagram, got surprises, kiss on forehead, colourful paperbag, wi-fi, dogs, or even wet-tissues!
But, when all girls that read this post comment below and apparently disagree, it will show they aren't in mostly area and they are personally unique.
So what should you do to attract that beautiful girl in your mind?
I have some simple rules, but sometimes mind and a-too-sensitive-feeling complicate them:
Knowledge about human is just too much to learn, so enjoy your endless study!
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It's funny that i'm not the expert and i'm not the researcher of "the kinds of girls", as you know that girls are complicated. by their minds, attitudes, opinions, especially during pms. i am a girl, but wait, i dont get angry easilly during pms. when mostly girls like romantic surprises or words from their crushes, i'm not a kind of that girl.
How simple it is if i say that we can't measure or judge girls generally because each of the girls is unique. but, it's true! totally! Just like you boys! (except you want to be ordinary, valued generally like your another male friends)"
We can say "mostly". yes, mostly girls like pink. they also like ice cream, cute accessories, shiny things, dolls, hiking, selfie, update cool photos on instagram, got surprises, kiss on forehead, colourful paperbag, wi-fi, dogs, or even wet-tissues!
But, when all girls that read this post comment below and apparently disagree, it will show they aren't in mostly area and they are personally unique.
So what should you do to attract that beautiful girl in your mind?
I have some simple rules, but sometimes mind and a-too-sensitive-feeling complicate them:
- you like her? be her friend. be with her friends. then you'll find out her cuteness and shabbiness when she's in the circle of friendship
- you like her? be yourself! why you have to change like a Korean actor when you know she's mad with Korean drama? why you have to spend your savings for future when you read her post in Facebook that she wanted a hundred of roses? and why in the world, you have to pause, or even stop your hobbies because she asked you to? (well yea, boys will be boys, i know what you want) if she doesn't like you, why you guys have to complicate it by changing your style, by starving for a month, or by doing something you dont like? the one who likes you all the way you are, is the worth one.
- you want to know what's in her mind? ask her! you want to know why she didn't text you for days? ask her! you want to know why she's mad by sudden? ask her! there are two possibilites: a. she'll answer and you'll understand. b. she won't answer and you'll get confused. try to step back and give more time before you get biten.
- say what you mean, and mean what you say. sweet talk, flattery, is just something that make girls fly. when you don't mean it, they fall and it hurts.
- believe this: God has prepared someone that is just for you. but you have to know, that God is preparing you too to be the great partner. when you are not in one vision with your "current partner", you still have time to think about it again.
Knowledge about human is just too much to learn, so enjoy your endless study!
Be Strong
it was a hard beginning in this 2014 since i cried so many times and stressed out by myself. i think i'll not tell you here but trust me, it wasn't that hard as you think because i was just having so many thought in my mind and i can't stand it alone but i also didn't tell much to my friends. i have troubles in my workplace, i didn't go to campus for 2 weeks, and i spent so much money in first two months.
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i went to my hometown for 5 days and it felt really really fast. i even couldnt do many things for my family. but i was really happy and thankful that my family are fine.
and i dont know why i feel so down although there isnt serious matter in my life. i think i need some refreshing. again..haha
It Never Be
i need to feel these tears
that strong feeling of my crushed heart
i'm like livin' in a dream land, unreal
walking in the dust of sorrow
holding my wishes but never look at them
i cant see my path, my feet
where i stand for my body
where i put my power and strength
where i think i still can walk far enough
all i have now is fog
unclearly, unknown, everything's grey
even my nails are fading to hide from me
those smokes, dancing in the air
saying hi to me, asking me to know
the beauty of living in desert of happiness
with the souls i will never meet in death
i failed to hold this fragile living creature
i fell and it splashed into pieces i've never found
something that i keep the most and put me at ease
now, i lost?
it never be our choice to hug this fog
it never be our will to lean on this fading wall
it never be..
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that strong feeling of my crushed heart
i'm like livin' in a dream land, unreal
walking in the dust of sorrow
holding my wishes but never look at them
i cant see my path, my feet
where i stand for my body
where i put my power and strength
where i think i still can walk far enough
all i have now is fog
unclearly, unknown, everything's grey
even my nails are fading to hide from me
those smokes, dancing in the air
saying hi to me, asking me to know
the beauty of living in desert of happiness
with the souls i will never meet in death
i failed to hold this fragile living creature
i fell and it splashed into pieces i've never found
something that i keep the most and put me at ease
now, i lost?
it never be our choice to hug this fog
it never be our will to lean on this fading wall
it never be..
Flawless Life
i was thinking if there's something wrong in my life. then i realized of how boring it is to have a flawless life. it's not to defend my self from my mistakes. but the awareness of mine says that i have to face and fix it, without thinking about anyone's opinion and judgement.
if there is any saying that says everyone is uniquely created, why should i be the same with others?
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if there is any saying that says everyone is uniquely created, why should i be the same with others?
This July!
i'm officially 21 this month!
Sunday, July 14th 2013, he said that he was sure with me, he wanted to have a relationship with me. it shocked me although i had a prediction before that he would do it. this is something that we waited for about 18 months, but when i was facing that moment... i worried.
we have the same idea that a relationship isn't something that we want to try and when we feel we're not match, we'll break apart. no. it's something serious and should be longlasting even until marriage. so we should think about it really really wisely. then after that 18 months, 3 days before my birthday he decided to start it.
but, he didn't want me to answer on that day. he wanted me to ask my parents first if they allow us to be together. so on those 3 days, i was so confused of how i will tell my parents, especially my dad. i just called my mom on the second day and her response was good.. and i was.. really.. afraid.. to call my dad.
some hours before i had a meet with him on the third day, i finally forced my self to grab my phone and dial my dad's number. i was on the roof of my house. sat down and looked at the sky hearing tuuut...tuuutttt...tuuttt... my dad answered so calm and made my heart beat sooo fast. i almost cried... but his answers totally fine for me. i was relieved to the maxxxx!
so i met him at afternoon and we have dinner with goat soup and goat tongseng. i don't know how to mention and explain it for you, but the taste was not bad. we talked as usual and joked and laughed, and .... he asked me how the result was. i told him my conversation with my mom and dad, he listened carefully.
this is the start of a start. i prepare my self from now to be a good partner for him, but i also still have to be a good daughter for my Father. whatever will be, it will be. as far as i walk with Him, i won't be afraid :)
yes i'm so thankful for everything that happened to me.. you can see how perfect his plan is for me..
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Sunday, July 14th 2013, he said that he was sure with me, he wanted to have a relationship with me. it shocked me although i had a prediction before that he would do it. this is something that we waited for about 18 months, but when i was facing that moment... i worried.
we have the same idea that a relationship isn't something that we want to try and when we feel we're not match, we'll break apart. no. it's something serious and should be longlasting even until marriage. so we should think about it really really wisely. then after that 18 months, 3 days before my birthday he decided to start it.
but, he didn't want me to answer on that day. he wanted me to ask my parents first if they allow us to be together. so on those 3 days, i was so confused of how i will tell my parents, especially my dad. i just called my mom on the second day and her response was good.. and i was.. really.. afraid.. to call my dad.
some hours before i had a meet with him on the third day, i finally forced my self to grab my phone and dial my dad's number. i was on the roof of my house. sat down and looked at the sky hearing tuuut...tuuutttt...tuuttt... my dad answered so calm and made my heart beat sooo fast. i almost cried... but his answers totally fine for me. i was relieved to the maxxxx!
so i met him at afternoon and we have dinner with goat soup and goat tongseng. i don't know how to mention and explain it for you, but the taste was not bad. we talked as usual and joked and laughed, and .... he asked me how the result was. i told him my conversation with my mom and dad, he listened carefully.
this is the start of a start. i prepare my self from now to be a good partner for him, but i also still have to be a good daughter for my Father. whatever will be, it will be. as far as i walk with Him, i won't be afraid :)
yes i'm so thankful for everything that happened to me.. you can see how perfect his plan is for me..
it's awwwwweeesome!
Friends Of Mine (2)
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| Celebrating Lisa's birthday at ci Ike's house. surpriseee!! :D Marina, Ci Ike, Lisa, I, and Ranti |
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| Teachers were refreshing to the mall.. I, Ms. Windhi, Ms. Desy, Ms. Ivonne, and the photograper was Ms. Sophia |
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| Disciple Camp at MMCC, Sawangan, Depok Ly Yen, I, Ferlina, and Wahyuningsih (kak Ayu) |
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| campus friends, we were at STKIP Kusuma Negara, Kampung Rambutan, Jakarta up: Tere, Hana, Bekti down: I, Deta, Lady, and Erina |
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| TBCS Kindy teachers 1st row: Ms. Dyan, Ms. Windhi, Ms. Desy, Ms. Ratni, Ms. Sophie, Ms. Rika 2nd row: Ms. Susi, Mrs. Kim, Ms. Ria, Ms. Josephine, Ms. Reffi, Ms. Yana 3rd row: Ms. Irene, Ms. Ivonne, Ms. Febby, I, and Ms. Bella |
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| Pajamas Day in Book Week I, Ms. Sophie, Ms. Susi, Ms. Ivonne, and Ms. Windhi |
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| Celebrating Marina's birthday :D |
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| Alex my lovely student. i'll miss you so much :') his full name is Alexander Louis Hermanto |
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| the gifts from k1 Sheep children with love letters, they were sweet <3 br="">thank you everyone ! |
Self-Confidence
this month is my special month to be shaped more by God in social aspect. in fact i have many friends here. in work place, campus, church, and another comunities.. but this month, i feel something that i ever felt before, that made me shut my mouth up almost 'till forever and stay alone everywhere everytime.
i feel unconfident.
uhmm... actually i am unconfident for my lifetime. but it's getting worse this time. i always feel bad about my self, knock my own head and say how stupid my act was, and don't want to socialize with others. i just want to be alone along this month. except in my work place because i can't work alone there.
i don't know why, but i know this is bad. the fact that i become an unsocialized girl is a bad news. in this young age and i stay away from my friends and stressed out? it's ridiculous. what am i thinking?!
i was sad for some days and thinking about my self, that i had done so many mistakes, people judged me, they critics me, they ignored me, then i became a sensitive person until they only joked or advice me, i feel angry. this is really really bad. i know.
so i prayed when i was on the way to campus this evening, i prophesied to my self that i am a special girl for Jesus, i .... i forget what i said that time..ohahaha :p
but after that, i felt relieved because i felt the joy and peace flew in my heart and i knew that He has heard me and gave me what i need. so i am so grateful tonight because i have joy in my heart (before that, i planned to not talk along the lectures).
it's really a precious thing to learn that i really need Jesus although i have problems in my self and it's because of me. He will always accept me the way i am and never judge me like people do.
and today i also learn about prophecy (nubuat). that we say something good for people or ourselves IN JESUS NAME, we'll be healed 100% because of our faith. i tried it, and i felt it. amazing!
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i feel unconfident.
uhmm... actually i am unconfident for my lifetime. but it's getting worse this time. i always feel bad about my self, knock my own head and say how stupid my act was, and don't want to socialize with others. i just want to be alone along this month. except in my work place because i can't work alone there.
i don't know why, but i know this is bad. the fact that i become an unsocialized girl is a bad news. in this young age and i stay away from my friends and stressed out? it's ridiculous. what am i thinking?!
i was sad for some days and thinking about my self, that i had done so many mistakes, people judged me, they critics me, they ignored me, then i became a sensitive person until they only joked or advice me, i feel angry. this is really really bad. i know.
so i prayed when i was on the way to campus this evening, i prophesied to my self that i am a special girl for Jesus, i .... i forget what i said that time..ohahaha :p
but after that, i felt relieved because i felt the joy and peace flew in my heart and i knew that He has heard me and gave me what i need. so i am so grateful tonight because i have joy in my heart (before that, i planned to not talk along the lectures).
it's really a precious thing to learn that i really need Jesus although i have problems in my self and it's because of me. He will always accept me the way i am and never judge me like people do.
and today i also learn about prophecy (nubuat). that we say something good for people or ourselves IN JESUS NAME, we'll be healed 100% because of our faith. i tried it, and i felt it. amazing!
We Can't Choose
let's think about this:
If i don't have this family,
1. i will not suffer for years when i was a kid, from primary school 'till college
2. i will not feel the pain in my body and my soul
3. i will not cry all night long and starve because of hating them and myself
4. i will not hate men, honk, kids, and shouting
5. i will not get any problems in school
6. i will not run away from home
7. i will not have faith in Him
8. i will not meet him
9. i will not think and write about these all
10. i will not be thankful and forgive them
if i don't have this family, will i have the better one?
we can't choose.
i'm so grateful i can realize this in my young age. so i won't make it worse than before.
how about you? :)
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If i don't have this family,
1. i will not suffer for years when i was a kid, from primary school 'till college
2. i will not feel the pain in my body and my soul
3. i will not cry all night long and starve because of hating them and myself
4. i will not hate men, honk, kids, and shouting
5. i will not get any problems in school
6. i will not run away from home
7. i will not have faith in Him
8. i will not meet him
9. i will not think and write about these all
10. i will not be thankful and forgive them
if i don't have this family, will i have the better one?
we can't choose.
i'm so grateful i can realize this in my young age. so i won't make it worse than before.
how about you? :)
What Should We Do When We're G.A.L.A.U ?
hahaha..hello
in this post, i wanna use bahasa Indonesia. i dont know, it feels better for my feeling now. am i sad? hmm, maybe.
ini nih yang namanya galau ye. campur aduk kayak susu, lemon, jengkol, cabe rawit, ikan asin n mengkudu diblender dan disajikan di sebuah gelas. huaaakkkss.!
agak sulit dimengerti ya rasanya. itulah mengapa aku pake bahasa Indonesia khusus di post ini, karena orang bule kagak ngerti arti "galau" dan arti kata itu ga bisa ditemuin di Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia, edisi 2013 sekalipun.
tentunya ente2 sekalian udah tau aku galau karena apa..hahaha
apalagi kalo bukan tentang lope lope'an.. kadang kalo temenku curhat yg gitu2an, aku bisa dgn gampang ngerti problem mereka, jadi pendengar yg baik, n kasi saran ini itu. mungkin kondisiku saat ini bisa diibaratkan dengan istilah "dokter aja ga bisa operasi diri sendiri".
ketika aku menghadapi sebuah ketidakpastian, aku berusaha utk sepenuhnya bergantung sama Tuhan. aku udah bingung mau ngapain lagi, karena ga punya clue sama sekali utk melangkah dan melihat masa depanku akan seperti apa. benar2 blank! walaupun secara manusiawi, aku udah super duper penasaran bangeettt ini kapan waktunya aku bakal ngertiii...? di saat titik terjenuhku, aku lelah menunggu. aku lelah menerka-nerka. aku berhenti berharap. kemudian keinget, "berani berharap harus berani kecewa". :(
Tuhan seringkali berbicara padaku dan nguatin aku, agar aku ga menerka2, agar aku ga khawatir akan masa depanku. agar aku 100% bergantung sama Dia aja, bukan kepada manusia sekalipun manusia itu orang yg paling aku kasihi. Tuhan pengen aku percaya penuh kalo Dia yg akan berkarya utk hubungan kami suatu hari, entah bersatu atau berpisah, Dia pengen aku percaya kalo itu semua demi kebaikan aku. karena selama ini aku ga pernah dikecewain Tuhan... :')
"trus kenapa lo galau sekarang?"
aku pengen ketawa sambil nangis. pengharapanku pada Tuhan selalu bikin aku bersukacita, tapi perasaanku yg duniawi ini haus akan jawaban yg sesegera mungkin dan sejelas mungkin. dalam hal ini, aku belajar bersabar, berpengharapan penuh pada Tuhan, mengontrol diri, dan tetap rendah hati.. :)
help me, God..
aku.... cuma perlu jadi diriku sendiri. jangan berusaha agar disenangi orang lain. aku cuma perlu mensyukuri anugerah Tuhan yg ada padaku. jangan berubah demi mendapat pengakuan duniawi. aku tipe pemikir, orang2 bilang aku tipe stabil, ada yg bilang aku cermat. intinya aku orang yg otaknya kebanyakan mikir dan mulutnya kebanyakan istirahat. jadi segala sesuatu kebanyakan aku simpan sendiri utk ku analisis dan kalo diibaratkan kayak di kantor, kertas2 draft udah menumpuk di sudut ruangan jadi sampah yg lama ga dibersihkan. kebanyakan hasil analisisku sia2 dan aku stress sendiri. this is one of the most important things for me to change. karena aku perlu utk ke next level. aku ga mau stuck di sini2 aja dan seperti kesesat di sebuah labirin..
actually kalo aku benar2 berpengharapan pada Tuhan akan masa depanku, aku ga perlu cape2 nulis di sini seperti orang yg ga punya temen curhat. yeah i'm still learning to trust Him with ALL of my heart.
thank God i still have a heart and a mind to have this thought..hahaha
awesome!
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in this post, i wanna use bahasa Indonesia. i dont know, it feels better for my feeling now. am i sad? hmm, maybe.
ini nih yang namanya galau ye. campur aduk kayak susu, lemon, jengkol, cabe rawit, ikan asin n mengkudu diblender dan disajikan di sebuah gelas. huaaakkkss.!
agak sulit dimengerti ya rasanya. itulah mengapa aku pake bahasa Indonesia khusus di post ini, karena orang bule kagak ngerti arti "galau" dan arti kata itu ga bisa ditemuin di Kamus Besar Bahasa Indonesia, edisi 2013 sekalipun.
tentunya ente2 sekalian udah tau aku galau karena apa..hahaha
apalagi kalo bukan tentang lope lope'an.. kadang kalo temenku curhat yg gitu2an, aku bisa dgn gampang ngerti problem mereka, jadi pendengar yg baik, n kasi saran ini itu. mungkin kondisiku saat ini bisa diibaratkan dengan istilah "dokter aja ga bisa operasi diri sendiri".
ketika aku menghadapi sebuah ketidakpastian, aku berusaha utk sepenuhnya bergantung sama Tuhan. aku udah bingung mau ngapain lagi, karena ga punya clue sama sekali utk melangkah dan melihat masa depanku akan seperti apa. benar2 blank! walaupun secara manusiawi, aku udah super duper penasaran bangeettt ini kapan waktunya aku bakal ngertiii...? di saat titik terjenuhku, aku lelah menunggu. aku lelah menerka-nerka. aku berhenti berharap. kemudian keinget, "berani berharap harus berani kecewa". :(
Tuhan seringkali berbicara padaku dan nguatin aku, agar aku ga menerka2, agar aku ga khawatir akan masa depanku. agar aku 100% bergantung sama Dia aja, bukan kepada manusia sekalipun manusia itu orang yg paling aku kasihi. Tuhan pengen aku percaya penuh kalo Dia yg akan berkarya utk hubungan kami suatu hari, entah bersatu atau berpisah, Dia pengen aku percaya kalo itu semua demi kebaikan aku. karena selama ini aku ga pernah dikecewain Tuhan... :')
"trus kenapa lo galau sekarang?"
aku pengen ketawa sambil nangis. pengharapanku pada Tuhan selalu bikin aku bersukacita, tapi perasaanku yg duniawi ini haus akan jawaban yg sesegera mungkin dan sejelas mungkin. dalam hal ini, aku belajar bersabar, berpengharapan penuh pada Tuhan, mengontrol diri, dan tetap rendah hati.. :)
help me, God..
aku.... cuma perlu jadi diriku sendiri. jangan berusaha agar disenangi orang lain. aku cuma perlu mensyukuri anugerah Tuhan yg ada padaku. jangan berubah demi mendapat pengakuan duniawi. aku tipe pemikir, orang2 bilang aku tipe stabil, ada yg bilang aku cermat. intinya aku orang yg otaknya kebanyakan mikir dan mulutnya kebanyakan istirahat. jadi segala sesuatu kebanyakan aku simpan sendiri utk ku analisis dan kalo diibaratkan kayak di kantor, kertas2 draft udah menumpuk di sudut ruangan jadi sampah yg lama ga dibersihkan. kebanyakan hasil analisisku sia2 dan aku stress sendiri. this is one of the most important things for me to change. karena aku perlu utk ke next level. aku ga mau stuck di sini2 aja dan seperti kesesat di sebuah labirin..
actually kalo aku benar2 berpengharapan pada Tuhan akan masa depanku, aku ga perlu cape2 nulis di sini seperti orang yg ga punya temen curhat. yeah i'm still learning to trust Him with ALL of my heart.
thank God i still have a heart and a mind to have this thought..hahaha
awesome!
Prayer
i never know and understand the power of prayer before. because i didn't pray much.
but once i prayed, it happened by miracle. some people said that God is really with me and not only hear my prayers, but also make it happen. it's only by a prayer, with heart.
actually that was the moment that make me realize that, yes, He is with me all the time. so when i started to pray (talk to Him) much more, miracles happened more. in my family, my great escape to another island, my dream to study in a college and having a motorcylce, my other unbelieveable experiences, and most of my dreams came true after i prayed in His name. sure, it's not only me that can be blessed so much.
in these paragraphs, in this post, i just wanna show people that God of Israel is really alive and the true One. it's not about religion. it's not about i am right and you are wrong. this is about options. which one you want to choose to believe in the rest of your life.
people live to die. and after you die, where do you want to go since we believe in heaven and hell?
of course i choose heaven. but believe it, the only one way to get there is Jesus.
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but once i prayed, it happened by miracle. some people said that God is really with me and not only hear my prayers, but also make it happen. it's only by a prayer, with heart.
actually that was the moment that make me realize that, yes, He is with me all the time. so when i started to pray (talk to Him) much more, miracles happened more. in my family, my great escape to another island, my dream to study in a college and having a motorcylce, my other unbelieveable experiences, and most of my dreams came true after i prayed in His name. sure, it's not only me that can be blessed so much.
in these paragraphs, in this post, i just wanna show people that God of Israel is really alive and the true One. it's not about religion. it's not about i am right and you are wrong. this is about options. which one you want to choose to believe in the rest of your life.
people live to die. and after you die, where do you want to go since we believe in heaven and hell?
of course i choose heaven. but believe it, the only one way to get there is Jesus.
Oh Job
i think so many times about my current job. and i keep asking my mind, "why am i being a teacher?"
it was and still, is a big question in my mind. although i know that i ever dreamed about this ideal, that i ever wished to be a teacher when i was in primary. what a big dream and i never know how big is the responsible to do this job until these last years. i've been a teacher for about 3 years, maybe. and i was stressed out for, as i remember, 3 times. so when i felt down and wanted to leave my job as a teacher, i didn't have any ways out. i ever tried to apply other jobs that only need to sit in the office and stay before the computer, around 10 companies i've applied in. only one company called me back for interview and i came there, but the result was i don't have any skills for this office-job and he suggested me to stay back on my current job as a teacher because all my previous jobs were about education. and here i am!
i think more, to make me sure about this "service" that i have to do in my lifetime. i've prayed and asked so many times to God, is this my way life? and i don't get any answer about another job i can get that out of education world. well, when i was young i ever thought about this: what i want to be? (of course all children think about this, because their parents and teachers will ask them). but why i choose "teacher"?
first. in my young mind, i don't like business because it's too complicated. so many people be cruel and bad because the love of money that they can get much money from their job in business. i don't want to be a bad person, and a businesswoman.
second. i loved my grandma so much. i often went to her house after my family moved to another house (before that, we lived together). she loved to take care of me because she felt lonely. and when my big family went to her house for chinese new year celebration, my grandma adviced me to be a teacher. so sudden and i was shock. she said that teaching is the best job ever to do because you teach the kids to be good. it's an honorable job. my aunts and my mom agreed very much.
third. my mom said that i was so lazy. i was the laziest girl she ever saw. she was wondering my future, what i will be with this bad, very bad habit. in that time, i didn't have any idea and i didn't care about it. so after thinking so hard (maybe),my mom said that being a teacher was the proper job for me. i said to my self, "lazy teacher will make lazy students. mom, i'll be kicked out on the first day i work." but what could i say through my lips? i surrendered all.
for the next reasons, i think all my experiences are enough to say that God did make it for me: being a teacher. i enjoy my days and computer maybe not so good for eyes and sit too much will hurt my bottom.
so thanks God. :)
Just Some Paragraphs
hi there..
i've made some resolutions for myself this year.. thank God some of them are started and going well. as i know myself so well, i feel His grace fulfill me so much.. because as a human being that has so many weaknesses and unperfection in every side, i can't do everything well. these days i thought so much about my self, my life, all my spiritual life. (someone or may be some people don't really like me because i'm too spiritual. actually i dont care about that. this is something that people said not really important just because they dont have a close relationship with God.) well, back to my spiritual life. they see so many miracles in my life, in all my problems and stories, and whatever they say, i still feel that i'm so far from Him.. yes i know you must be boring to read this paragraph, as i am.. because in the fact i dont really like to tell anybody about my deepest thought. at least, this paragraph is just as a reminder for me in the future. so.. only God and i know this..hahaha
i'm at my campuss right now! sitting alone in the canteen and enjoying wi-fi here.. as usual, freedom!
though so many things in my head, so many plans ahead to do, so much homework to do, what i'm doing here is one of the most relax things to do.
i dont know what this post talks about. and i dont care. may be someday i just can smile and see how silly i am to have some absurd paragraphs to write down! xD
God bless ;)
»» READMORE...
i've made some resolutions for myself this year.. thank God some of them are started and going well. as i know myself so well, i feel His grace fulfill me so much.. because as a human being that has so many weaknesses and unperfection in every side, i can't do everything well. these days i thought so much about my self, my life, all my spiritual life. (someone or may be some people don't really like me because i'm too spiritual. actually i dont care about that. this is something that people said not really important just because they dont have a close relationship with God.) well, back to my spiritual life. they see so many miracles in my life, in all my problems and stories, and whatever they say, i still feel that i'm so far from Him.. yes i know you must be boring to read this paragraph, as i am.. because in the fact i dont really like to tell anybody about my deepest thought. at least, this paragraph is just as a reminder for me in the future. so.. only God and i know this..hahaha
i'm at my campuss right now! sitting alone in the canteen and enjoying wi-fi here.. as usual, freedom!
though so many things in my head, so many plans ahead to do, so much homework to do, what i'm doing here is one of the most relax things to do.
i dont know what this post talks about. and i dont care. may be someday i just can smile and see how silly i am to have some absurd paragraphs to write down! xD
God bless ;)
Friends Of Mine (1)
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| Abbalove Ministries Friends, while we were decorating the church for Christmas 2012 (clockwise) Mekeria (Meike), Elisabeth Caterina (Eli), Renny Puspita, Linawati Kezia (Lina), Lia, Winnie, Frisca, and I |
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| SPK 3rd period, 2012 Yoren Pramana, Jennifer Valeria, Naftali Nikita Thenaka, Kiki Afrianti, Esther Siagaian, and I |
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| Tunas Bangsa Christian School teachers in "I Love Indonesia" event (2012) 1st line: I, Ms. Santi Tedja, Mrs. Kim, Ms. Isabella Deryana (Bella) 2nd line: Ms. Windhi Wulandari, Ms. Sophia, Ms. Dyan, Ms. Ratni Sari Hae, Ms. Ria Gunawan 3rd line: Ms. Ivonne, Ms. Desy Indah Susanti, Ms. Rika Rahayu, Ms. Aline Manuhutu, Ms. Susi Harsono Wijaya |
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| My Student in Brain Plus Course. Our last meeting. Natly, Angel Honiman, I, Margaretha Yolanda (Nanda), Martha Yovita (Vita), and I forget their dogs' names and the photograper was Ranti |
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| My friends in Pontianak. I visit my hometown in July 2012 we were in Alun-Alun Kapuas River Wanda Giovani, Elsa Meyti Tabitha, I, Yessica Arianti, Dewi Chandra and the photographer was Fidelis Adolf Christyanto |
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| My friends in Pontianak. We were having fun in Samudera Beach Cang Wui, I, Christania Astri, Adrian (Yanz) and the photograper was Steven (Apao) |
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| From the same working place to the sharing community (now all of us have different job but still together) Ike Kurniawati (Ike), Elisabeth Susilowati (Lisa), Marina, Suranti (Ranti), and I |
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| Basilea friends at Magnum Cafe, Grand Indonesia. I, Andreas Hartono (Mister), Cen Cen, Reagen, Denny Desanleon, Giovani Theresia (Tere), Daud Slamet Kurniawan, Agung Santoso, and Kaleb Setiawan |
Christmas (2012)
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| Christmas Tree at Abbalove Ministries Serpong, before went to Anyer with Tunas Bangsa Christian School Gading Serpong teachers. |
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| at Anyer beach with TBCS GS teachers. we were gathering and having fun |
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| Christmas 2012 in Abbalove Ministries Serpong |
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| Christmas Tree at Christ Cathedral Gading Serpong |
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| Christmas tree at Central Park, West Jakarta |
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