Fragility

aku bangun dalam kesendirian. mendapati tidurku yang hanya berselang dua jam. pagi ini tak seperti pagi kemarin, begitu padam. tak sepatah kata pun terucap, namun penuh kata-kata dalam pikiran.

benarkah keputusanku ini?

benarkah yang kurasakan kini?

aku menangkap oksigen sebanyak-banyaknya karena paru-paruku hampir kosong. seketika itu juga udara itu serasa naik ke kepala dan mataku, menekan air mataku untuk keluar dari persembunyiannya.

apa ini?

terdiam dalam seonggok daging lemah, terjerat dalam sebuah jiwa rapuh. 

aku benci waktu. terkadang ia berlari begitu cepat dan aku tertinggal. terkadang ia berjalan santai dan aku menunggu. mereka berkata aku sudah terlalu letih. mereka tahu aku sudah terlalu hancur. langkahku terseok di belakang mereka. dan semoga tak ada yang menoleh.

diam.

jangan diam.

aku tak meminta semua menjadi indah bagiku. aku tak mengemis semua menjadi mudah bagiku. dan di saat banyak pilihan di depanku, aku tak akan memilih satu pun. karena aku tau, apa pun yang kupilih, tak bisa mengubah pagi ini yang begitu padam. tak bisa mengubah aku agar penuh dengan kata dan oksigen hari ini.

benarkah ini semua?

inikah jawabannya?

aku berlari menjauhi segalanya. dan mereka tak akan mempertahankanku. ke mana pun kakiku melangkah, tak pernah seorang pun pernah menahannya. sudah seberapa jauh aku pergi dan pergi lagi? dan siapa yang suatu saat akan menahanku agar tak berlari lagi? aku tertawa karena tersadar.

di dunia mana aku berlari?

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Lovely Friend, Internet

So!

how are you doing?

terkadang aku males juga pake bahasa inggris karena translator otomatis di otak belum diaktifkan. masih rada macet dan kurang canggih. siapa sih yang ga pernah buka google translate buat bikin kalimat inggris yg pervek? *noleh kiri kanan*
wah, bisa-bisa aku keasikan pake bahasa indonesia nih. dalam 1 menit uda bisa bikin satu paragraf panjang sedangkan klo pake bahasa inggris, 1 jam aja baru 3 paragraf pendek [takut diolok inggrisnya yg pas-pasan] huahahahaha~

anyway, bulan depan aku akan jarang posting lagi karena mau sok sibuk dikit sama beberapa hal di luar jangkauan internet. benda satu itu udah cukup bikin aku kayak anak pingitan: di kamaaaaarrrr terus. ga bisa dibilang addicted juga karena ada pekerjaanku yg memang sangat membutuhkan jasa internet. tp biasalah, anak muda zaman sekarang, lihat sesuatu, di klik, baca, ada link lain, klik lagi, penasaran, cari sumber lain, klik lagi, dan lagi, dan tidak mandi makan lah engkau seharian! (yah, mungkin aku sedikit addicted..haha).

but praise the Lord, aku bisa menghentikan semua cobaan ini. internet memang mengasikkan. tapi coba lihat dunia di luar sana. lebih mengasikkan daripada klak-klik-klak-klik di mouse atau pantengin layar monitor berjam-jam. i'm not saying klo benda semacam busa-busa itu terlarang, tapi ada baiknya klo bisa dikontrol kuantitas dan kualitas pemakaiannya. eh, emang di internet bisa mandi, tidur, main, berenang, karokean, cuci baju, ngejar semut, & makan bareng aku? internet is an invisible fun world but don't forget where you are living in!

memang sangat menambah wawasan, tapi ga baik juga klo terlalu banyak pengetahuan yg masuk ke otakmu dalam 6-12 jam nonstop. karena abis itu pasti langsung LUPA. [classic story]. internet itu emang kayak temen. klo pengen nyontek atau nyari artikel, panggil mbah google. pengen nyari definisi, sms bung wiki. pengen nonton video, colek neng youtube. pengen eksis, klik pak facebook dan bu twitter. apa lagi?
tapi seperti kata pepatah [padahal ngarang-ngarang aja], temen itu tidak selamanya membawa pengaruh yang baik. karena siapa pun punya kelemahan & kekurangan [#eh], kelebihan dan kekurangan maka bertemanlah secara proporsional. jangan tanya artinya, aku juga ga tahu.

yang pasti, bertemanlah dengan mas, pak, bu, dan anggota-anggota geng itu dengan sewajarnya. bertemanlah dengan makhluk-makhluk berjantung dan berakal budi di luar sana, karena:

internet dapat mendekatkan yang jauh,

dan menjauhkan yang dekat.

akhirnya demi kesehatan dan kehidupanku di alam nyata, aku membatasi pemakaian internet hanya 1-2 jam sehari untuk blogging, upload download, baca-baca dan chat, tidak termasuk saat bekerja. karena ternyata addicted to internet itu berbahaya juga.
ah, lugunya diriku.. ._.

***

uhh, this is my galauing short note. yang baca jangan ikutan galau ya. ;)

January was sooooooooooo an unexplainable month!
it turned my head to my feet and my brain to my knee. i've got a lot of moments and lessons through this looooooooovely month! so i've also got a day of crying-like-a-baby day.

i felt so empty in my heart, my soul, my brain, my lungs, and my stomach. it's called BLANK.
not something you use when you sleep and cold, or a place to save your money, it's "blank"!
when you lose yourself, don't know what to do, what to say, where to go, who to speak, who to kick, or when to sleep. seriously, about the "when to sleep", i truly got my worst insomnia and it made me sick. i also got my unlucky day (hu uh!) when i got my back hurt so bad and i feel "yeah, what an awesome warning, Father." that was a day when i was crying like a baby and feeling so dead.

and damn! i know why.
not just the internet, but because of my-stupid-self!
heaven yeah i'm learning to be a good living (wo)man ^-^
Gbu

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Buy Me Something

one thing is disturbing my mind right now. and i need your help.

my mom ever asked me if my boyfriend bought me one or two things as a gift, or even if i asked him to buy me something i want like dress, shoes, bag, whatever. i said i don't have anything i really want and i don't wanna use his money to make myself satisfied. it's because i'm not used to. i always control my mind to buy something i really need, not something i want (though sometimes i don't..haha), and i always use my own money. it felt so weird to see you want to buy something but someone pay it for you. may be it looks usual for you, but not for me!

and today, the same question was popped out from my aunt. the worse is, she gave many examples when some guys buy some expensive things to her daughters. so let me think, is it really worth?

i don't really need a guy buys me anything, but honestly every girl [including me] will really happy to be given many gifts. but don't think anything bad, my boyfriend has bought me some gifts but not so often like my mom's hope or my cousins' boyfriends has given. it's quite enough for me to show he cares about me.

he should do one thing to show the real care, not with a truck of money but "him". giving his own self and always be with me are the most beautiful gift for me. i'm not trying to be so romantic but that's all i need! okay, don't be hypocrite, of course we need money but in the next list, right?

so do you have any suggestion or opinion about the topic? because sometimes it feels good but sometimes it doesn't. some older people keep telling me how you need someone who loves you buying everything you want. maybe it shows his care [more than he cares his money] or ... i don't know. haha

at least, let my boyfriend use his own way to treat me well. i just wanna know some ideas you have, what the world says, because i'm in my curiosity and it's dangerous.. x)
have a blessed day ahead, fellas. Gbu

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Check It Out!

Hello guys, please visit my new blog that contents inspirational stories, pictures and videos to brighten up your days! Make it as bookmark so you can read it whenever you want.

Just click on the picture below ;)

thank you guys for your participation in my 2 blogs: Precious Days and The Blessed Breath. i hope you can comment them anytime to share together and give me some suggestions or ideas to help me improve in creating these blogs. well have a great day!

and oh yeah, Happy Chinese New Year for all my family, my friends, and everybody who is celebrating it tonight. Hope happiness will always be with you along this year. God bless us, everyone! <3

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Cry Then Smile!

you don't have to ask why women cry, or simply i'll talk about it.

as a woman for 19 years, i've found what my tears are for. sometimes i gratefully realize why i was created as a woman and have a lot of stock of tears. i won't write much. here a famous story about why women cry. whoever the author, thanks for the powerful words for women all over the world.

***

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked, "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said, "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son," said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

***

sometimes i [and maybe you do too] cry for those reasons:

1. sad, depressed, ignored, lonely, etc. so many things and problems in your life can make you feel down and lock yourself in your room and don't wanna meet anyone then crying. women automatically would feel so free, relieved, and tougher; without knowing by us, we finally have an additional power after crying and sleeping [of course].

2. laugh too much. i enjoy the moments with my friends because they are so amazing. sometimes we have so much fun and do anything stupid, laugh at each other, teasing, making jokes, making bullshits and when the most perfect part to laugh non-stop is started, we cry! dude, everyone does.

3. eat something hot and spicy. owh, i hate that. if someday i can't find a drink to release the terrible taste, may be the tear will be useful.

4. feel something hurt. my finger, my skin, or even my heart! ugh.. >.<

5. watching a dramatic movie. One Day, Hello Ghost, Titanic, i need tissues!!

6. slicing the onion. i can't cook if i cry!

7. after i feel angry. yes, sometimes i'll cry after i feel angry.it's not about feeling guilty but a way to silence myself and think again why i should angry.

8. no reason. i just wanna cry after tiring times, then sleep and wake up with swelling eyelids. hohoho

have another idea to cry? [give comment!]

and for all MAN in the world, there's no law that forbids you to cry though it will be better if you do not cry, so often. i like a guy who can laugh anytime [but not crazy] and cry at the right time. here, a clip for you guys from my favorite YouTube artists!

check it out, yow!

Shed A Tear - ChesterSee, Kevjumba, Nigahiga

So, for all WOMEN, we're beautiful! 

tears can make us relieved but not make us more beautiful. yeah, you can use it when you really need it. but one thing to be more beautiful and a MUST is:

SMILE :)

Why Won't You Smile - ChesterSee ;)

Have a great day! don't forget to smile.. :D

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Friendship

"Friends are like roses...you have to look out for the pricks!"

i don't want to say that friends are the people we should avoid to. who can live without friends? that quote is just to remind us, that nobody can be a perfect friend. but it doesn't mean that we don't have to have nice guys around us. people said, if you want to have a good friend, be a good friend because this universe is like a magnet. or you wanna try to be a good guy? find a place of good people and nice things with fine thoughts. there's no place like heaven in the earth, but we can make it exists by doing good and never regret for having bad times in it because that's what friends are for: sharing!

i know the things that she likes, she doesn't like, she afraid of, what always she says, etc. and she knows mine too; because we're sharing. and it feels like you have a twin sister or brother that you can't live without.

friendship is beautiful. 

though we can't say every friendships are. let's share about friendship here! i'll tell mine first..haha 
actually i don't really believe in "best friends" - in this world. [just the Best one in heaven]. i just have close friends, that's what i thought. it's hard to say BEST for anyone that you know he/she will hurt you someday. and it's because i can't be a best friend for anyone so you know why. and when i lost one or two of my close friends, i realize that i'm just not quite good for them. or may be they have some standards and it's to high for me to be. so i have to be kicked out from the list of best friends. i don't know. but i really appreciate a relationship that i have with anyone: friendship. i'm just not good enough in expressing that beautiful thing. really. 

therefore according to me, friendship is like a tower. you need some elements to build it up strongly. they are TRUST, OPENNESS, WARMTH, UNDERSTANDING, and LOVE; and NO STANDARDS! may be you can add some more elements? tell me! 

yeah, wherever you go, whatever you do, i know you never harm me [trust]. i tell you everything [openness] and hug you when you feel down [warmth]. i won't be mad for your mistakes [understanding] coz i'm definitely happy to know that you are with me sincerely [love]. you don't have to be rich or always by my side, or funny, or have a foot, i'm your friend [no standards!!]. 

how sweet! 
and remember: the higher the tower, the more our tests to maintain it. 

i just share about this topic in basics and whatever the sparks of friendship, we still should face it to get some better things. i know i'm not really good on this but who am i to judge myself or even you. :) 
so if you have some thoughts about friendship to share with me, just comment on the box below and let us learn how precious it will be. 

"As we go on we remember, all the times we had together. As our lives change come whatever, we will still be friends forever" -Vitamin C ~ Graduation Day Song

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